


The Golden Cage

by glowydean



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Grown Men Crying, Lots of Crying, Other, Post Avengers Asgard, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-04
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-13 12:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/503675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowydean/pseuds/glowydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events in New York City, Loki is locked away on Asgard in his golden cage.  He spends his days drinking whiskey and anxiously awaiting a visit from the God of Thunder, Thor.  On Asgard, Thor spends his time sleeping with whores and avoiding Loki.  What happens when Loki decides to take matters into his own hands? </p><p>Warning: This story has lots of FEELS.  Please be prepared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Loki

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on fanfiction.net

Loki had spent the last six months living comfortably behind golden bars in his prison on Asgard. The prison had been crafted especially for him. It resembled a small home more than a prison. The only difference from a regular small home were the golden bars that surrounded the entire thing, and the enchantments that had been put on them to dampen his powers. He spent his days reading old books and drinking fine whiskey. Not much of a punishment, it would seem, however, to Loki, there was nothing more boring than this. He often longed to see the outside world and to play silly pranks on his fellow Asgardians. He found that he actually missed the sound of other people talking around him. His days were now spent in silence. His new best friends were whiskey and hiccups. He had not had any visitors since he had been locked up; none besides the guards that rotated every day, and the mute boy who brought him his food and drink. The boy was pretty with delicate features and large hazel eyes. It had been the eyes that had captured his imagination at first. He commanded the boy to stand before him and not blink. The hazel color had reminded him of the whiskey Stark had given to him and he whispered to the boy: _Bring me whiskey. Not wine_. It had taken them several days for them to get the whiskey, but they brought it nonetheless. He was not sure what his brother's plan was here, by giving him the whiskey. Perhaps he wished for Loki to drink himself to death.

Since Loki had been locked away in his golden cage, he had not seen the newly crowned King of Asgard, his half brother, his adoptive brother, the man they called Thor. Thor had not spoken to him since they had returned from the mud ball they called Earth and Loki did not blame him. He _had_ stabbed him after all. Still, Loki peered out through the golden bars everyday expecting to see him. His brother was usually the one who forgave easily; he did not understand what was taking him so long.

Today his mute boy brought chicken with potatoes and rice. He also had another bottle of whiskey and what looked like a small cake. The boy stood in front of the golden bars and slid the food through the bars. Loki had been wondering how he could harness this moment to escape, but realized that with no powers he would not get far. He watched as the magical bars allowed the boy to place the food and the whiskey on the ground. He also placed the small cake on the ground.

"What the hell is that?" Loki asked, pointing to the cake. The boy stepped back quickly but did not answer. He shot one last glance at Loki as he walked away. "Why don't you tell my fucking brother to show his face? He's a fucking coward!" Loki shouted.

"I'm here," said Thor.

Loki's eyes grew as big as saucers and he turned around. There he was, his brother, Thor, in all his glory. He sat on a chair, which looked too small for him with a glass in his hand that looked like a miniature in his big hands.

"Brother," Loki whispered almost reverently.

Thor rolled his eyes. "Do not call me brother, you have lost that right," he said quietly.

"You know I never meant to hurt you," Loki began.

Thor held his hand up and Loki stopped speaking. "You lie," he said. There was a very pregnant moment of silence. Thor continued to sip his whiskey and said nothing to Loki.

"Why don't you just kill me then?" Loki asked.

"It has crossed my mind," Thor said icily.

Loki shrunk back. "You truly mean to kill me then? Or perhaps you wish me to kill myself? Is that why you keep sending the drink, brother? You wish for me to wallow in pity and feel remorse for what I have done? You wish for me to be a coward and take my own life?"

"Oh shut up, you fool. If I had wanted to kill you it would have been done a long time ago."

Loki studied his brother's face. He looked tired and drawn, not his usual self. He was not wearing his armor and his hair had been tied back from his face. "You do not look well, brother."

"Why do you keep calling me brother? I tried with you, Loki. I reached out to you and you pushed me away. Please, stop calling me something which we are not."

Loki felt his heart flutter. Was Thor disowning him? Thor? The man who spent the last bit of energy he had to come down to Earth to dissuade him from his plan instead of just clubbing him in the head like a normal person and taking him home? Thor, the stupidly optimistic one who had still considered him his brother even when he had discovered his true parentage? Loki suddenly found himself feeling very much alone, and very much suffocated by the golden bars.

"I have always been there for you, Loki. Yet I cannot seem to find it in myself to forgive you for what you have done."

"Are you still bleeding about the bloody Earth? Clearly they are a resilient race. Do not spend time lingering on them, brot—Thor. They are fine, are they not?"

"That is not the point I wish to make, Loki," Thor said. Thor took a long drink of whiskey from the glass and then placed it on the table. "Today is your day of birth, Loki. I had them bake you a pastry."

"A pastry? What the hell does that have to do with a day of birth? What happened to our daylong feasts? Our long hunts until the dawn? What of those days, Thor?"

"Those days are long gone. The cake is a human tradition. You may eat it if you like. I cannot bring myself to stay here much longer," Thor said. He observed Loki for a minute and the ghost of a smile fleeted on his lips. "It is amusing that you now long for the days of old. I too longed for those days. Now they are nothing but memories."

"I have been locked in here for months, Thor. Don't you think I deserve some freedom? If only for today, the day of my birth?"

Thor cannot seem to wipe the disgusted expression off his face. "These past three months are nothing compared to the time you will be spending in here Loki. You had better get comfortable."

"I will take anything, over this. I will take death, over this solitude."

Thor walked up to Loki and looked into his emerald green eyes with his icy blue ones.

"You do not even deserve death, brother," he sneered. He walked past Loki and walked straight through the bars.

"Don't leave me here Thor! Don't do this to me! Kill me!" he shouted.

He received no answer.


	2. Thor

The whore was still asleep next to him when he woke. Thor looked over at his latest conquest and frowned. Somehow, her breasts had looked larger last night. Perhaps it was all of the wine he had consumed before bringing her to his chambers. He studied the gentle rise and fall of her chest and suddenly he had a deep longing for the only woman whom he had ever given his heart to, Jane Foster. He closed his eyes once more and conjured her face in his mind, sweet, sweet Jane. He thought of her dark hair and how it fell to her shoulders. He remembered her skin and how beautiful it had looked in the moonlight, like porcelain. The memory of her smile cut through him like a knife and suddenly he felt an ache in his chest that was more real than imaginary. He opened his eyes again and looked over at the woman. She was pretty enough, but at the end of the day, she was just a painted woman, a girl who could stay beautiful as long as you could give her coin. He looked at her stomach and wondered if he had finally sired a child. Even illegitimate children had some claim on Asgard; however, he could never seem to father even one bastard, no matter how many whores he had slept with. He wondered if something was wrong with him…if he was broken. He brushed the thought aside angrily and his mind wandered onto another sore spot, something that made him even angrier…Loki.

When Thor had discovered that Loki was not of Asgard, he had brushed it aside. Loki was his brother, no matter what. They had been through so much together. They had grown together, side-by-side, Thor and Loki, inseparable. Thor always knew Loki had been jealous of him, and when he was younger, he took advantage of it. He made Loki do things just to humiliate him because he knew in the end; Loki would come crawling back into his shadow to hide. Thor regretted doing these things only when he was older. Only when he had enough sense to realize what it must have been like for Loki all those years, he took pity on him. Despite all of the games he had played while he was younger, he still loved Loki with all of his heart. He and Loki had experienced things together that he would never forget for as long as he lived. When Loki found out that he was not truly Odin's son, he had felt it. He never said anything to him, but he knew. Even though he had been planets away, he had suddenly felt a gripping pain in his chest and it had gone away as suddenly as it had come. He thought of Loki in his golden cage and wondered how long it would take for him to lose his mind.

The woman next to him stirred, stretched and opened her eyes.

"Good morning, my lord," she said. She pulled the covers over her to cover her bare breasts.

"Leave them bare, I like it," Thor commanded.

The woman smiled and removed the sheet. "As you say, my lord."

"Call my page, let him know I am awake and I am in need of food. Also, I could use some coffee today," he said.

"Coffee, my lord?" the woman asked.

"Just tell him, he will know what it is."

Several hours later, Thor sat in the court and presided over his subjects. He was a good ruler, this he knew. He also knew that if he had become the King at an earlier point in his life, he would have done a terrible job. Thor looked out at the crowd of petitioners who were still waiting to speak to him and he suddenly felt quite weary. He signaled to his page to come to his side.

"Jalfi, I wish to conclude court for today. Would you please inform the rest of the petitioners that we will continue tomorrow. Extend my apologies, I am not in the best humor at the moment."

"As you command, my lord," Jalfi said with a bow.

Thor rose up from the throne and exited the hall. He walked past several people who all bowed to him as he passed. He continued to walk down the halls towards his chambers when several guards ran up to him.

"My lord, Loki! He has tried to take his life!"

"What?" Thor thundered.

"He is in the infirmary, my lord," one of the guards panted.

"You took him out of his cage? You fool!" Thor said angrily.

The two guards exchanged looks.

"Just lead me to him you imbeciles. Has he been properly chained?" Thor asked.

"Yes, my lord. He is in the special chamber. Surrounded by guards. His powers are still stripped there is not much he can do," one of the guards said eagerly.

"Yes but this is Loki. You must never underestimate him. He would do something foolish like this to get out of his chambers. You should have left him there to die."

Thor instantly regretted the words when they came out of his mouth. He continued to follow the two guards till they reached the infirmary. Thor walked straight past the other sick beds, past the people reaching out for him, all the way to the back where they housed special guests who were ill. He looked through the glass and saw Loki lying on the bed with several healers surrounding him. There were five guards posted outside the door and they stepped aside to let Thor through.

A young healer stepped up to Thor timidly. "He's alive. You do not have to worry," she said.

"It is not that I am worried about. What did he do to himself?" Thor asked.

"He broke a glass and cut his flesh on his wrists, my lord. He has lost quite a bit of life force, but he is alive. He's pulling through."

Thor walked over to his brother's side and observed his face. He could tell that Loki was very weak, as his skin was pale and sickly. Thor could see the veins in his forehead and his lips were dry.

"Wake him," Thor said.

The young healer frowned. "I'm afraid that is not wise, my lord. We have put him under the deep sleep for him to heal," she said.

Thor turned on the young woman angrily and glared at her.

"You dare disobey me? Wake. Him. Up."

The healer's eyes watered with tears and she nodded quickly.

Thor watched as the woman woke Loki gently from the deep sleep. His eyes fluttered open and immediately he groaned in pain.

"Why did you wake me you fool?" he stuttered out.

"Because the King commanded it," the healer said nastily.

"Leave us," Thor said.

The healers and the guards bowed and exited the room. Thor pulled up a seat next to Loki's bed and shook his head.

"What were you thinking? Why are you such a coward?" Thor boomed.

Loki opened his mouth to respond and then closed it again.

"This is weakness, Loki. You know it."

"Well what else am I supposed to do? I just wanted a bit of excitement," he wheezed.

"This is what you call excitement?" Thor asked.

Loki rolled his eyes. "Why did you come?" he asked.

Thor sat back in the chair and rubbed the short beard on his chin. Why did he come?


	3. Loki

"It's very rude to wake someone up from deep sleep, you know," Loki said, his voice barely above a whisper. It was Thor's turn to roll his eyes.

"I will do as I please, Loki," Thor spat.

"So why can't I do as I please?" Loki asked.

"Because you are my prisoner; because you have threatened the lives of people that I care about. You have not one caring bone in your body, I've come to see that now."

Loki shook his head. "You're one to talk," he said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Thor asked.

"When did you start caring, Thor? Was it when you met your pretty little Earth woman? Did she open your fucking eyes?"

"You will not speak of Jane that way. You will not speak of her at all."

"Did she make you feel like shit, Thor? Did she make you feel like shit for the way you treated me all those years?" Loki asked.

Thor looked away from Loki.

"Look at me, don't you look away. You don't get to look away. You don't get to pretend that you're completely innocent in all of this."

"You cannot blame me for your own madness, Loki."

"My own madness? Was it my fault then, that Odin could not leave me where he found me? Was it my fault that he raised me to believe that I was his son? Only to tell me that I was just…a trophy of war? Something to be used…" Loki's voice trailed off.

"Do not get yourself so excited, you are ill."

"I'm not ill. I tried to kill myself. The coward's way out, as they call it. As you call it. Do you want to know what it felt like?"

"What?"

"What it felt like, to almost die?" Loki asked. An unsettling quietness settled over them. Loki stared up at the ceiling and a small smile bloomed on his lips.

"Stop this madness," Thor whispered.

"It felt…warm…and cold at the same time. I felt as though I were floating down a river of some sort. Then I closed my eyes, and I felt snow, new snow, falling on my face. It felt like a kiss. And then everything disappeared. And I woke up here, with long ugly scars on my arms, and blood and bandages. I felt like a fool. Do you even know what that feels like?"

Thor stared at Loki and shook his head.

"You have nothing to say?" Loki asked.

"Let me see them," Thor said quietly.

"See what?" Loki asked.

"Your scars."

Loki looked at Thor incredulously. "Absolutely not," he said.

"Why not? Why can't you show me what is broken in you?" Thor asked.

Loki made a face. "There is nothing broken in me," he said.

"I don't believe you," Thor said. He moved closer to Loki and placed as hand on the bandage.

"What are you doing? This is madness. You cannot see it," Loki said. He tried to move away but realized he had no strength in his body to fight the thunder God. He felt his face burn with shame as Thor, with surprising tenderness, pulled the bandages back on his right arm. He heard Thor's soft intake of breath as he saw the long, angry scars on Loki's arms. They were still red and glowed slightly from the healers and their magic potions. Thor wrapped Loki's arm and sat back. He was still stunned from what he had seen.

Loki closed his eyes tightly and turned his head from Thor.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" Thor asked, gently this time.

"There was no one there to listen," Loki said.

"I do not enjoy seeing you like this," Thor said.

"There is no reason for me to live. Why don't you just kill me?"

"You beg for death? Why?" Thor asked.

"All my life I've been in your shadow. I've done things, cruel things, things that I cannot run from. I cannot show my face in Asgard without people hating me for what I've done. I cannot return to the mud ball for the crimes I have committed against their people. I cannot run to another planet or galaxy because surely there is someone there who would gladly see me dead. So why not just…stop delaying the inevitable. Just kill me and get it over with."

"I cannot do such a thing you fool," Thor said softly.

Their eyes met, finally, and Loki felt tears well up in his own. Thor's face suddenly became blurry and he closed his eyes.

"Why do you think you're still alive, Loki? It's because I can't bear to kill you. No matter what you've done. No matter how disgusted I am with you you're still my brother, and I can't find it in me to condemn you to death. My entire counsel advised me against leaving you alive. They suggested deep sleep; exile, death, death by exile. I couldn't do it. So I built you a cage."

"You can't keep me in there like some kind of bird. I'll find another way to end it all," Loki said. "I know asking for freedom is too much, but can't you see that death is better? You think by keeping me around it will ease your conscience for what you did to me all those years ago? You think you're doing me a favor, don't you?"

"I am sorry for what I have done. But, what I did is nothing compared to the crimes you committed," Thor said.

"Why do you think I committed those crimes in the first place? I wanted my own spotlight. I wanted to be out of your shadow," Loki said.

"You cannot blame everything on me, Loki. I will admit I didn't treat you the way I should have. But I was young and arrogant. I realized my mistakes when I got older. I didn't try to destroy an entire planet because of my guilt," Thor said.

"Why did you do it? Why did you hate me?"

"I never hated you. I don't hate you," Thor said.

"Well then, let me go. Let me die," Loki said. "I cannot live in that cage."

Thor observed Loki and then sighed. "I will call the healer and have her place you back in the deep sleep until you have fully healed. We will continue this conversation at another time," he said.

"Don't walk out on me, Thor. Don't leave me here like this. You know what I want!"

"And I cannot give it to you. I cannot give you death."

Thor walked out of the room leaving Loki to his thoughts. Loki watched through the glass as Thor discussed something with the young healer. He looked down at the bandages on his arms and suddenly wondered why he was so keen on dying. Thor was right, no matter what, he was Thor's prisoner and he would have to live for as long as Thor wanted him to. He looked down at his bandage once more and wished he had made the cuts a little deeper. In that moment, he wished he had died in his golden cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is starting to get kind of depressing.


	4. Loki

In his dreams he was free. Loki looked down at his arms for the scars that had put him into the deep sleep. They were still there, angry, red and bleeding. He saw that as the blood leaked out of the wound and onto his pale skin it would disappear before it hit the ground. That was how he knew he was still sleeping. His feet were bare and he dug his toes into the grass. Everything was still and he had been staring at a tree for as long as he could remember. In fact, that seemed to be the only thing he could remember – the tree. It was the biggest tree he had ever seen. The leaves were a deep green that reminded him of something that he could not place. The trunk was thick and seemed to be made up of many smaller trunks and roots. He looked down at his feet and willed them to move. That was when he realized that he was stuck. He pulled at his legs but they did not move. He screamed but no sound came out of his mouth. He brought his hands up to his lips and realized in horror that his lips were gone. He shut his eyes and forced himself to take several deep breaths. He felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest. When he opened his eyes, his brother stood before him. This was not the Thor of today; rather it was a younger Thor. He had a silly grin slapped onto his face and his hair was tousled. His clothes were dirty and he looked as though he had been running through the fields for days without a bath.

"What are you doing Lo? Come on let's climb the tree!" he said. He ran away from Loki towards the large tree.

Loki tentatively took a step and realized that he could move. He quickly put his hands on his face and felt his lips. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Come on you bilgesnipe! What are you waiting for?" Thor shouted.

Loki rolled his eyes and followed Thor toward the tree. He glanced down at his arms and noticed that his wounds were still there, still bleeding. He ignored them and ran toward the tree.

"Thor? Where are you?" he called.

"Up here!"

Loki looked up and saw that Thor had already started climbing the tree. "Be careful!" Loki shouted.

The young Thor laughed. "I cannot die in a dream, Lo, you should know that!" he said. Thor continued to scramble up the branches until he found a suitable spot in the shade. "You have allowed yourself to grow old, brother. Will you not climb with me?" Thor asked.

Loki eyed the tree and placed one hand on the bark. He began to hoist himself up towards Thor. It had been years since he had climbed a tree. He felt beads of sweat form on his forehead but he ignored them and continued to climb. The wounds on his hands continued to throb and bleed but they did not pain him. He felt a familiar excitement and fire in his limbs and began to climb faster and higher.

"That's it, climb!" Thor said. He sat lazily on a branch several branches ahead of Loki. Thor pulled out a skin from a small bag and opened it. He poured out some wine onto the ground and then he took a long drink. When Loki finally reached to where he was, Thor handed him the flask. "You remember this, don't you?" Thor asked.

Loki took a drink and then handed it back to Thor. "Of course I remember this. We spent so much time here, hiding from our teachers," Loki said.

"No one could stop us because we were the sons of Kings," Thor said fondly.

"Why do you look young?" Loki asked.

Thor shrugged. "Everything you see here is already within your mind. I cannot control how I appear," Thor said.

"So am I talking to myself?" Loki asked.

"In a way, yes." Thor smiled and closed his eyes. He looked ridiculously comfortable on the tree, more comfortable than he looked on the ground.

"You always did love to climb trees," Loki said.

"And I always made you climb them with me," Thor said.

"I fell once."

"Just once?"

"There was one time that was especially bad. I remember I had so many cuts and scrapes on my arms and my face. I must have broken some bones too," Loki said.

"Am I at least sorry for what I did?" Thor asked.

Loki shrugged. "That is what you say," he said.

Thor handed him the skin again and Loki accepted it gratefully.

"Why did you cut yourself?" Thor asked.

Loki pondered this for a moment. "I was…what is it the Earthlings say? Bored?"

"Bored? I don't understand."

"I needed something to do."

"Why? Why aren't you ruling Asgard?"

Loki looked away from the young Thor. "Because you rule Asgard. There is no place for me there."

"There is always place for the son of a King."

"Must you always be so naïve? Even in my dreams, Gods."

"Tell me what is on your mind, brother. Tell me about the scars."

Loki looked down at his arms again and saw that the cuts had healed into many ugly scars. He ran his fingers across them and shuddered.

"You are disgusted with me now. You can hardly bear to look at me and I do not blame you."

Young Thor looked genuinely confused. "What do you mean? What could you have possibly done to turn me from you? You know…how I feel…we are brothers, Loki."

"We are not brothers, Thor. We thought we were. I am not of Asgard. Do you remember that day?" Loki asked.

Thor's cheery expression was suddenly replaced with a serious one. He narrowed his gaze at Loki and nodded.

"Of course I remember," he said. He took a sip of the wine. "The day you turned blue," Thor said.

Loki and young Thor remained silent for a few moments.

"I made you promise to never speak of it."

"And I never did."

"What would you do if you were locked away in a cage?" Loki asked.

"I would smash through the bars with the mighty Mjolnir!" he said.

Loki actually laughed at this and felt something in his chest that he hadn't felt in a long time – warmth.

"You would. You would do that."

"And what would you do, brother?" Thor asked.

Loki looked at him, at the young earnest face free of worry and lines, the bright blue eyes that seemed to be even bluer in this dream, and his blond hair, which was messy as it used to be. He then looked down at the scars on his arms and felt a lump in his throat.

"I would cut my way out," he said quietly.

"You were always the crafty one of the two of us, Lo," Thor said thoughtfully. "I do not believe that I could bring myself to hate you, no matter what."

"You don't know anything. You're just an illusion. A memory of a time long gone," Loki said bitterly.

Young Thor's face was suddenly very sad. "If that is what you believe, brother, then so be it…"

Loki watched as the young Thor began to fade away. "What is happening?" he asked in a panic.

"I am but a memory, Loki. Remember, what you dream here comes true. What you believe here comes true," he said.

Thor began to fade more quickly and Loki reached out for him.

"Thor! No!" he shouted. He grabbed Thor's hand just as he disappeared into thin air. Loki felt the tears he had been holding back spring from his eyes and down his face. Loki allowed himself to cry. He allowed the tears to stream down his face.

"Thor I am SORRY!" he shouted. There was no response. He looked down at his arms and saw that his wounds had reopened.

"Get me OUT OF HERE!" he screamed. He looked up into the tree, up into the sky hoping to hear something from someone but no one came to his aid.

Tears continued to stream down his face and he watched as his wounds continued to bleed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let me know what you guys think of this chapter! I initially wanted to write another Thor chapter but I wasn't too thrilled with how it was turning out. Then this idea popped into my head on the bus so I had to write it! 
> 
> Thanks for all of the Kudos, and to everyone who has read this story! :)


	5. Thor

The God of thunder was no longer a boy. Gone were the days of extravagant banquets, weeklong hunts, and trips to other planets just because he could. Perhaps if he had spent more time paying attention to what his father really did while he ruled Asgard, he would have told him to let Loki rule in his stead. After all, Loki had always been the better scholar of the two. He would have taken joy in reading all of this nonsense that sat before him. He could see it in his mind's eye, Loki meeting with ambassadors from other planets, Loki coming up with plans to reduce waste and to promote peace amongst their people. Thor wanted to slam his head against a wall but he knew that would do no good, and plus, he would ruin a perfectly good wall. Despite some initial setbacks, Thor had quickly settled into his new life as the ruler of Asgard. He did his best to be fair to his subjects, and he tried to emulate his father's rule. Odin had been so impressed with Thor's performance; he had decided to take his wife on a trip to see the planets, something they had never gotten a chance to do while ruling the kingdom. Try not to ruin the kingdom while I'm gone, he had said when he handed Thor the scepter. Thor laughed nervously and accepted it with a heavy heart.

It had been strange, not having Loki at his side. At some point in his life, Loki had felt like a limb to him, something that was always there, something that moved and acted without him even having to think about it. Loki always knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling, sometimes, even before he knew it himself. Growing up Loki had been a pale and scrawny thing and all of their friends had made fun of him, including Thor. Loki would often leave them and Thor would find him hours later huddled in a corner somewhere crying. He would try to cheer him up by telling him jokes and talking about his friends behind their backs. Eventually Loki would be smiling, with a red nose and a tear stained face. Thor would smile at him and promise to never taunt him again but of course, he was young and foolish and did it over and over again.

Life in the shadows had twisted and turned Loki into something brilliant as an emerald, as soft as a whisper, and as intoxicating as wine. Thor had learned the hard way what Loki's whispers could do. It was Loki, who had convinced him to march into Jotunheim, even without him knowing it, like a limb, like a whisper, like something beneath his skin. Thor hadn't realized it then, but he knew it now. The words that fell from Loki's lips were like poisoned berries. They were sweet, they were soft, and they were deadly. Thor pushed the thoughts of his brother aside and looked down at the parchment that was before him. He had been through a bridge's length of parchments today and still, it was not over. With a resigned sigh, he rose up from his seat and left his study. It was time for wine and women.

On his way to his chambers, he saw a familiar face waiting for him. It was the young healer who had been taking care of Loki. She was still dressed in her traditional healer's garb and looked troubled. When she saw him, she did her best to put on a cheery smile. "My lord, I am sorry to trouble you at this hour but I need to speak to you, do you have a moment?" she asked.

Thor nodded and gestured to his door. "Shall we?" he said. He entered his chambers and the girl followed. He walked over to his table and poured two glasses of wine. "Sit," he commanded.

The young girl accepted the glass of wine and awkwardly sat on a very large chair.

"I'm sorry about the chair. I like large chairs," Thor said.

"Oh that's…fine," she said.

"What is your name?" Thor asked.

"Elsa," she said.

"Well, Elsa, what is it you wish to speak to me of?" Thor asked.

"My lord, I wish to speak to you about your brother. About Loki."

Thor did everything in his power not to roll his eyes, a nasty habit he had picked up from Stark. It had been a week since he had seen Loki. He was still in the infirmary, chained up to his bed.

"Is he dead? Or dying?" he asked before taking a sip of his wine.

Elsa looked slightly horrified. "No, he's…alive but…his wounds aren't healing properly. It seems as though he is agitated, even within the deep sleep. I've read that people experience the deep sleep differently. For some they wake up and they remember absolutely nothing. But for others, they can live entire lifetimes within the deep sleep, and not necessarily good ones."

"What am I to do? Shall I try to find him and rescue him from the deep sleep? Is he having a nightmare?" Thor asked coldly.

"I think he's having more than nightmares. His wounds bleed, constantly. He often cries out, he was scraping himself with his fingernails. We had to constrain his arms. He looks gaunt and his body is rejecting the nourishment. I think he will die, my lord, if we do not do something soon."

"Why don't you just wake him, Elsa?" Thor asked.

"I've tried. He refuses to wake. Either that, or he can't."

"He is trapped within his own mind. Being killed perhaps by his own poisons," Thor mused. "It seems to be a fitting punishment for his crimes, do you not think so? Or do you sympathize with him?"

"I come to you as a healer looking out for her patient. Even though he is asleep, there is only one name he calls," Elsa said quietly.

Thor looked down at his feet and drank some more wine.

"And whose name might that be?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Yours. It is the only thing he ever says. He calls for you night and day. I cannot bear to see him in such a state anymore my lord. All of the other healers were scared to come see you, but I couldn't allow it to go on."

"You think yourself noble for what you have done? What do you expect me to do? You're the healer. Figure something out."

Elsa's cheeks turned a lovely shade of red. She suddenly found herself getting angry at the thunder God and his apathy. "I know he's your prisoner but…you have no right to treat him this way. Don't you ever believe that people can change?" she blurted out.

The God stared at her with his icy blue eyes. "What would you have me do? Go to him? Sing him songs from our childhood? Hold his hand and wipe his face? I am tired of Loki and his games. If he wishes to stay in the deep sleep then so be it. I cannot be bothered. If he continues this, we will simply move him back to his cage where he can spend the rest of his days."

Elsa was at a loss for words. "But my lord…"

"Leave, Elsa. Before I truly lose my temper."

Elsa's bottom lip quivered and she slowly rose from her chair.

"I know this may be out of place, but no matter what, he is your brother, and deep down inside you know it. Just don't wait too long because then it might be too late, and then you'll regret not going to him for the rest of your days."

Thor regarded her silently as she placed her glass down on the table. She quickly walked out of his chambers, and he could see her wiping away tears that had sprung into her eyes. This was not the wine and women I had in mind, he thought. He finished the wine in his glass and then angrily tossed it onto the ground. He watched as it shattered into a thousand pieces and wondered if this is what his brother had done. He picked up a shard of glass and placed it against the palm of his hand. He felt the glass bite into his skin and he quickly tossed it down onto the ground. He placed his palm up to his mouth and quickly sucked at the wound. He looked down at the glass and thought of Loki cutting himself in his golden cage. How could he ever forgive Loki for all the wrongs he had done? How could he even begin to think about trusting him again? Thor picked up Elsa's glass and finished the rest of her wine. He then purposely walked over the broken shards with his thick boots, savoring the sound of the crunching glass beneath his feet. He walked into his bedchamber and collapsed onto his bed, falling into a deep, dreamless slumber.

He slept soundly as the wound on his palm continued to bleed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, please let me know what you guys think! I had a bit of a hard time writing this chapter. Thor is kind of a difficult dude. Also, he's kind of a butthole, lol. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and the follows! :)


	6. Loki

Loki's expression was a mixture of horror and grief. Young Thor stood before him in all his glory holding a thick book in his hand. In the other hand he held magic fire, which crackled and hissed at him. Loki felt tears well in his eyes and bile rose in his throat. He was going to be sick, he knew it. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind and shouted at young Thor: "What are you doing? Stop being so stupid!"

Young Thor grinned and held the book up higher. "What's so special about this stupid book anyway? It's just a book. It's paper. It'll burn nicely, don't you think Sif?" Thor asked. He turned to young Sif who had her hands on her hips. She shrugged at Thor.

"I don't care what you do to it, just do it quickly so we can get out of here!" she said impatiently.

Loki looked at them helplessly. "Please," he whispered. "Don't do this," he said.

"It's just a stupid book, Lo. Watch me, I am your future king and I command you to watch me!" Thor shouted.

Loki began to cry and sank to his knees. "Please, Thor, please stop this," he pleaded. Suddenly he was a child again, no longer a fully-grown man with a mind of his own. He was his old self, a babbling fool, blundering around, crying and reading books. Loki looked at the thick novel in Thor's hands and cried even harder. The book had been a gift to him from Odin. Loki had read the tales in the book over and over, hoping that some day he would be a fierce warrior like those in the stories. He had cried many times over the book's pages and he had smudged the ink with his countless tears. Loki looked up and noticed that his brother's expression had suddenly softened. He dropped the book down onto the ground and Loki smiled up at him. "Thank you, brother," he said. He rose up and began walking over to the book when Thor laughed.

"You really think I'd let you off so easily?" he asked in a dangerously low voice. "We're going to play, Loki. We're going to have a good time," he said. He blew at the fire on his hand and it flew down onto the book. It immediately caught on fire. It began to smoke and the pages curled.

"Why?" Loki screamed. His voice was a mixture of anger and sadness. He closed his eyes to block out the sight of his book burning. He could not bear to look at the burning book, could not bear to relive this haunting memory.

"Open your eyes, Loki!" Thor thundered.

Loki opened his eyes and he was on the seashore. The waves crashed loudly onto the surf and the water came up to his toes. Loki couldn't help but smile. He loved the sea. He noticed Thor was there as well, sitting on a log, staring out into the ocean. This Thor was older than the one who had burned his book. He looked calm and had a soft smile on his face.

"I have never seen a more beautiful sunset, brother," Thor said.

"I just saw one," Loki said quietly.

"Sit with me, Loki," Thor said.

Loki walked over to the log and sat next to Thor. They sat in silence for a few moments and then Loki turned to Thor. "Why do you hate me?" he asked.

Thor picked up a shell and observed it carefully. "I don't hate you, Lo," he said quietly.

"But…you burned my book, Thor. Don't you remember? That was my favorite…you just burned it like it was nothing. Why did you do it?" he asked.

When Thor did not answer, Loki realized it was because he himself did not know the answer to the question.

"Can't you just put it behind you, brother?" Thor asked. "Can't we start over?"

"How can we? You can't even hear me," Loki said.

Thor turned to Loki and grasped his hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze and then he placed the shell in Loki's palm.

"I wish I had an answer for you. It pains me to see you so sad," Thor said.

"I can't wake up, Thor. I'm tired of this place. All the bad dreams, all of the things I thought I had forgotten…"

Thor placed his hand on Loki's chest over his heart. "All of those things make you who you are, Lo. You can't have all good things all the time. Sometimes you get bad things too," he said.

"But why was it all bad for me? Why did you make it bad?"

"I wish I knew. But I don't have the answers to your questions, and you know that," Thor said gently.

"I know I deserve a worse punishment than this for the crimes I have committed. I know Thor…I know you are sparing me from much pain and humiliation, but I…"

"Loki, why do you trouble yourself so? No one is perfect, we're all made up of bits of bad and good things," Thor said.

"Yes but why did I let the bad things win?" Loki asked.

"Perhaps when I was young, I let the bad things win. I hurt you and I didn't protect you the way a brother should have. All of these things caused you to let the bad things win, Loki," Thor said.

"So you're saying I should blame Thor? That I should blame you for everything I've done? Do you know what I did to you? I tricked you, Thor. I told you Odin was dead when he was not. I let the Frost Giants into Asgard and allowed them to put their hands on the Tesseract. I went to Migard with an army and destroyed an entire city. I killed countless people without a second thought. I am evil, Thor. I am broken and I cannot be fixed. I deserve to die."

Thor shook his head. "No, you do not deserve to die," he whispered.

"Why?" Loki asked. He threw the shell onto the ground and grabbed Thor's collar. Thor made no reaction to this but he smiled at Loki sadly.

"No one has the right to choose death for someone, no matter what you have done, if you are still alive, it is because you still have time. It means you still have a destiny, Loki."

Loki let go of Thor and buried his head in his hands. "What destiny could a monster like me possibly have?" he asked quietly. He turned to Thor but realized that he had already gone and Loki was alone. He looked down on the ground and saw the shell had turned into his book. He picked it up and turned to the first tale. As he read he wept. He watched as his tears fell onto the pages and stained them. He closed the book, unable to go on. Loki looked at the sun as it set on the water and suddenly realized that he could not blame Thor for who he was. He realized that Thor was not inherently a bad person, and neither was he. Just as Thor had said, they were both made up of good bits and bad bits, and sometimes, they allowed one to win over the other. Loki felt fresh tears burn his eyes and he allowed them to fall freely. He closed his eyes and when he opened them he was staring at himself. He was young, thin and small, crying while huddled in a corner, his nose red and raw. He clutched the burned book in his arms and the ashes rubbed off on his clothes. Loki remembered this day, it was a day that he had buried so deep within himself, he thought he had forgotten it, but here it was sitting right before him. He felt an immense sadness well up inside of him. A door opened and Thor entered the room. Loki stared at him in wonder as he walked over to the young Loki and sat next to him.

"Lo, I'm really sorry. You know that, right?" he said.

Loki continued to cry and hugged his book tighter.

"You aren't sorry, you're a liar," Loki stuttered through his tears. The look on Thor's face pained Loki. It was a look of sadness and regret.

"I don't mean to do those things to you. It's just…you're so small compared to the rest of us. You're different."

"And that means you can treat me like I'm worth nothing? I'm your bother, Thor. You're supposed to love me and take care of me. I love you. I always do anything you ask me to. I look out for you and tell you when father is coming so you don't get into trouble. Why can't you do the same for me?" Loki asked.

"I just want you to toughen up, Lo. You need to start fighting back. You can't spend the rest of your life with your nose buried in a book. You need to fight. You're Odin's son. You're my brother. I don't care if you fight me. I just want you to fight."

The young Loki had stopped crying and was staring up at his brother with something that looked like admiration in his eyes.

"What if I don't want to fight?" he asked.

"Then I'll make that fat oaf Volstagg tickle you like this," Thor said. He began to tickle his brother and smiled as a reluctant laugh bubbled out of Loki's throat. Young Loki soon dropped the book onto the floor and continued to laugh with his brother. When they had stopped, Loki sat with his head on Thor's shoulder. Thor had placed his arm around Loki's shoulder and hugged him close. "Loki, I'll always be your brother, no matter what," Thor said seriously.

Loki lifted his head from his brother's shoulder and stared at him.

"Do you hate me because I'm weak? Because I'm not a fighter like the rest of you? The magic and the tricks that I learn are powerful, Thor. I may not be able to break someone's face with my fist, but one day I will be powerful, Thor," Loki said.

Thor looked at Loki and smiled at him sadly. "I really do hope so, brother," he said.

The memory quickly faded and Loki was back on the shore. His heart was filled with sorrow as he thought of what he had just seen. Did Thor even remember what he had told him all those years ago? Did Thor remember that he had wanted Loki to fight? And if so, why then was Thor not happier that Loki was fighting? He wondered if Thor remembered that he had said that he would always be his brother. Loki looked around the empty beach and suddenly it was less beautiful.

"It is only beautiful when I have someone to share it with," he mused. He looked at the empty space next to him on the log where Thor had sat, and then it finally dawned on him. "It is only beautiful when I am with you, Thor," he whispered into the air. He waited for Thor to reappear but he remained alone on the beach, staring into the sunset and dreaming of better days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You for all the lovely comments, the kudos, and the bookmarks! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think! :)


	7. Thor

"Where is my son?" asked Frigga angrily. The young page that had been paying too much attention to his fingernails paled and simply pointed in the direction of Thor's chambers. "Use your mouth next time young man," she chided. Frigga swept past him in her long silver gown and strode determinedly towards her son's chambers. As she walked down the long hallway, her shoes clicked on the marble and echoed loudly. She saw two guards standing in front of the entrance to Thor's chambers and she stopped in front of them. "Is he in there?" she asked. The guards quickly exchanged looks and bowed in front of the Queen.

"Yes my Queen, but he is-"

Frigga shot him an icy glare. "I don't care what the hell he's doing," she said.

They both stepped aside and allowed her to pass. Frigga continued to walk down the hall, past countless rooms and chambers. She finally stopped at the largest door, which was slightly ajar. Inside, she could hear the sounds of heavy lovemaking. Frigga angrily rapped her knuckles on the door. When Thor did not stop, she rapped again. She heard her son curse loudly and she listened as he untangled himself from his latest escapade. She tapped her foot angrily on the ground and waited for him to open the door.

"What the hell—mother?" he said incredulously as the door swung open.

Frigga arched an eyebrow and had her arms crossed over her chest. "It's about time," she said.

"I am so sorry," he said awkwardly. He pulled his robe closer to his body and he glanced back at the woman on his bed who had pulled the sheets up to cover her chest.

"I need to speak to you, now," Frigga said.

"Yes, yes of course. Why don't you wait for me in the solar? I'll be with you in a moment…" he said.

"Don't keep me waiting, Thor," his mother threatened.

"I won't, I promise," he said with a sheepish grin.

Frigga did her best to shoot him an angry glance and walked off towards the solar. Thor shut the door and groaned. He looked at the beautiful woman on his bed and grinned.

"You should go to the Queen, my lord," the woman said.

"Oh, but I wouldn't be a good King if I didn't take care of matters here first," he said with a wolfish grin. As he walked toward the bed, there was another knock on the door.

"Don't you even think about it, Thor!" came his mother's voice angrily.

The woman in Thor's bed laughed.

"Go to her, I'll be here when you get back," she said.

"That's the thing. When she's done with there may be nothing left to come back to you."

* * *

 Thor entered the solar quietly and saw his mother staring out of the window at the sea of Asgard.

"You always did have the best view here," she said as she turned around.

Thor walked up to his mother and wrapped her in a warm embrace. He kissed her on the cheek and she kissed him on the forehead. "It is good to see you, mother," he said. "Where is father?" he asked.

Frigga removed herself from her son's arms and sat down at the table.

"He is on Vanaheimr, I came alone," she said. "Do you have wine?" she asked.

"Oh, yes," Thor said. He busied himself with preparing a glass of wine for him and his mother.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of a visit?" He asked as he poured the blood red wine into a goblet.

Frigga accepted the goblet from her son and took a deep drink. "Thor, when was the last time you saw your brother?"

The smile on Thor's face quickly faded. "Is that why you came?" he asked.

"Yes. Have you seen him?"

Thor avoided his mother's keen gaze and instead focused on the wine in his goblet. Even though he was the King of Asgard, he still felt small beneath his mother's watchful eye. "I have not been to see him since he…"

"Since he tried to take his own life? Thor, Loki is your brother, you can't just abandon him like this. I will not allow it," she said.

"Loki begged me for death, I am simply giving it to him without actually…"

"So you intend to let him waste away and die? He is of Asgard. We are not savages. I will not have him die in such a state."

"What would you have me do, mother? If you had been there to see him. The way he…the way he begged to die. I couldn't do it. I couldn't sentence him to death."

"What concerns me the most is the fact that you have not even been to see him."

"I do not want to see him," Thor said sadly.

"I did not raise you this way, Thor. I don't know what is going through you mind right now, but I do know that if you do not see your brother soon, you will regret it."

"Loki threatened the people I swore to protect. How can I trust him after that? How can I just allow him back into my life and hope that he will not turn on me again?"

"Because he is your brother. He is your family—"

"He is not of Asgard," Thor said coldly.

"Loki is my son as much as you are, do not ever forget that. It is my son who lies wasting away on a bed, it is my son whose heart is slowing down because his body is not accepting nourishment," Frigga said.

"How is he yours? I am of you, not him," Thor said childishly.

"When your father brought Loki home, I chose to open my heart and to accept him. He was innocent babe, the sins of his fathers had nothing to do with him. I chose to love him. He is my son. He is your brother, Thor," Frigga said.

"But he almost destroyed an entire city…he killed dozens of people—"

"And what have you done, Thor? You have destroyed countless cities. You have fought in pointless battles. Did we punish you for what you did?"

"Father banished me to the Earth—"

"Only for a short time! Only for you to learn what you needed to learn. You must remember that everything a King does should have a reason behind it. What you are doing to Loki has no good reason behind it. You are either doing it because you wish to spite him, or you are simply too much of a coward to face him yourself."

"I am not a coward," Thor mumbled.

"Then why?"

Thor got up from his seat and walked over to the window. He stared out at the ocean. "I'm ashamed, mother," he said quietly.

"Ashamed of what?" Frigga asked.

"There is so much…I was not good to him, mother. For so many years, I treated him badly. I wanted him to be strong like us and fight. Looking back on it now, there's so much I wish I did differently. Perhaps Loki wouldn't be the way he is now if I had been a better brother," Thor said.

Frigga's expression softened. She went over to her son and stood next to him.

"My love, there is one thing we absolutely cannot do," she said.

"What is that?" he asked.

"We cannot go back and change what has been done. All we can do now is learn from our mistakes. And pray that we do not make the same ones again. You cannot blame yourself for what Loki has done. He made his own choices. He is a man grown."

"Yes but…if I had been there for him when we were younger. If I hadn't been such an arrogant little…shit," Thor said.

"Your father pushed you when you were young. Perhaps he was too hard on you, and you in turn were too hard on your brother. But did you not learn from your father? Do you not think that Loki learned from you? We cannot fully blame Loki for what he has done, but cannot not blame him either. Such is life, my son. We can only move forward. Your brother will die. He will breathe his last breath and you will be buried in some whore. Do you really want that?" his mother asked.

Thor shook his head and looked away from his mother. He felt tears burn at his eyes. "I don't…" he said quietly. "I love him, mother. He is my brother. I'm just scared. I'm scared of how much power he has over me. I fear I will never truly be free from his clutches," Thor said.

"You are the king. It is time you made a decision. You cannot leave him hanging in limbo. You must either see that he recovers, or gently ease him into the next realm. Whatever power he has over you is what you yourself have given to him."

Thor turned to his mother. There were tears in his eyes.

"It is okay to cry my son. It is just me. No one else is here," she said.

Thor's lip trembled and before he knew it, tears were falling onto his face. His mother looked up into his blue eyes and smiled sadly. He allowed her to pull him into an embrace. Frigga held onto her large son tightly and closed her eyes.

"I love you both so much you will never know. I cannot bear to see Loki suffer, my son. Go to him, he calls out for you constantly," she said.

Thor pulled away from his mother and wiped his face. "I feel like such a fool," he said.

"There is much for you to learn yet about the ways of the world, my son. About the ways of the heart. Loki is your family. Families must stick together and support one another, no matter what. I'm not telling you to lift his sentence, but you cannot allow him to suffer. We are of Asgard. We must set the right example," she said.

Thor turned away from his mother and stared out at the sun setting in the sky. He watched as the sun set the ocean on fire. The waves rolled and crashed onto the shore. "I must think upon this, mother," Thor said.

Frigga nodded sadly. She reached out and touched Thor's hand. She gave it a gentle squeeze. "Do not wait too long my son," she said sadly. "I will take your leave. I'll be in my chambers," she said.

Thor nodded silently and kissed his mother on the cheek. He watched her as she left the room. When the door closed, Thor turned his attention back to the ocean and it's waves. The sun was setting and he could see moons lighting up in the distance. He thought of his brother, finally, and tried to imagine what he must look like now. Thor felt his heart ache and he closed his eyes. He felt more tears form in his eyes and he allowed them to run down his cheeks.

He pressed his forehead against the glass and wept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all comments, follows, and kudos! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! :)


	8. Loki

There was no light. Loki had been living in the darkness for as long as he could remember. Somehow, he knew this was all a dream, but sometimes, he was not so sure. Perhaps this was simply his punishment? Perhaps this was simply his life, for he could remember no other way of living. He had no memories of warm fires, of wine, of his mother's warm embrace, of his brother's golden hair and blue eyes. He had no memories of these things. All he knew was the darkness and the rain. He walked most of the time, until he felt tired. When he was tired, he would stop and sit on the ground. There was nowhere to hide from the rain or the wind, so he would sit and shiver. He had developed a terrible cough, and whenever he breathed his chest would tighten. He could not tell, but he knew that he must have looked like a ghoul. He often ran his fingers across his face and felt more bone than flesh. He could not remember the last time he had eaten and hunger pinched at him from his insides. He was as hollow as a drum yet when the rain hit him there were no melodious sounds to be heard.

In the beginning he remembered crying more than usual. Then one day he had fallen asleep, and when he woke, he realized that he had no more tears left in his body. He had cried all of his tears onto the ground nourishing the earth. He often wondered if the rain that was falling from the skies was simply the world's way of returning what was lost to him. Loki craved warmth, he craved sleep, but most of all, he craved death. Death would put an end to all of this, he thought. Some days, he would remember a face, a strong face with piercing blue eyes and a shock of blond hair. The face would smile at him, and beckon toward him. The person's mouth would whisper, Loki, Loki. But as quickly as it came, it would melt away into the shadows and Loki would be left alone once again.

This was day 20, it had to be, Loki thought. He wished he had some way of knowing how long he had been here, trapped in this horrible world of in betweens. Yes, day 20. That sounded right. It sounded round. He opened his mouth and shouted it loudly. "Day twenty!" he shouted. His voice sounded foreign and strange to his ears. He placed his hand on his forehead and realized that even though he was cold and wet, he was burning up. The fever had finally caught up with him. He looked down at his hands and noticed how thin and long his fingers looked. They were more bones than anything, and he quickly curled them into fists. Why couldn't he just fall down and die? Why couldn't his body just give in and let him move on to the next realm in peace? Did he really deserve all this pain and suffering? He opened his mouth and screamed angrily at the sky. As he did this, his bottom lip split open and began to bleed.

The wounds on his arms had long since healed. His skin was now crisscrossed with many raised, ugly brown scars. He had seen them one night as the lightning flashed eerily across the sky. He had quickly pulled his sleeves down, not wanting to see the ugly scars on his arms at all. He now touched the cut on his lip and marveled at the fact that all of the blood in his body had not dried up by now. He licked at the blood and savored the metallic taste of it. He suddenly felt ashamed and he began to retch though there was nothing inside of him worth coming out. He doubled over as spasms of pain wracked through his body. He felt as though his skin was on fire and he began to peel off his clothes that had stuck to his skin; that was when he realized that the clothing had bonded to his skin and he screamed in pain as his skin lifted when he tried to remove his shirt. He fell to the ground and cried, even though no tears came out of his eyes.

The ground was suddenly solid beneath him, solid and dry. When he looked down he recognized the floor. He was back in his golden cage. With great effort, he pulled himself up and looked around at the cage. Everything was just as he had left it. Had he finally woken up from this terrible nightmare? A smile spread itself across his lips and finally, several tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes. Never had he been so happy to be back in this stupid cage. He rose up and stood on wobbly legs. He walked over to his mirror and gasped out loud when he saw his face. He did not look like the person he had seen in the mirror all his life, no, this person was more skeleton than man. He touched the bones that protruded from his skin and he winced. The split on his lip was red and bloody and there were various bruises and scars on his face. His skin had taken on a grayish tinge, and somehow he had gained a black eye, but he didn't care, he smiled and continued to inspect his face. That was when he heard the sobbing.

He turned around slowly and suddenly he knew what this was. He saw himself sitting on the floor with shards of glass surrounding him. This Loki was sobbing silently. There was an empty bottle of whiskey next to him and a book that was opened to somewhere in the middle. Loki remembered this moment; this was just after he had broken the glass. Loki watched, mesmerized as this version of him picked up the largest shard of glass from the ground. He held it up to the light and squinted at it, then, he placed it against his skin and began to cut. Loki gasped as the blood began to seep out of the wounds and he watched as his memory continued to cut into his arms, crying out in pain. Loki wanted to rush forward to him and scream at him. He wanted to tell him to make the cuts deeper. Loki watched as he dropped the bloody shard of glass onto the ground and sat back with his arms outstretched. The wounds bleed copiously and Loki saw his face become pale with the loss of blood.

Loki suddenly felt very sorry for himself. He walked over to his memory and sad next to himself. He held his hand and squeezed it gently. "I am so sorry," he said to himself. The memory turned it's head toward him and smiled weakly. "No, I am sorry," he said. "I am sorry I did not die," he said. Loki watched as his memory disappeared before him and he returned to his rainy, dark prison. He looked up at the sky and allowed the rain to fall on his face. He felt empty, broken and lost. He knew now that no one was coming to save him, and he knew now that even he could not save himself this time. Loki allowed himself to fall to his knees and then he fell facedown onto the soil. With his last spurts of energy, he rolled himself over so the rain could fall onto his face. He closed his eyes and coughed. This was it, he thought, he was finally going to die. He allowed the rain to wash over him and he allowed himself to drift away. Loki opened his mouth to catch the droplets of rain to wet his throat, and realized that the rain had stopped. With the very last ounce of energy in his body, he forced his eyes open. The rain had stopped falling, and somehow, the sky was blue. He saw the sun shining in the sky and felt it's warmth on his weak body.

The last thing he remembered feeling was a smile spreading across his lips. He closed his eyes once more and did not open them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hrm. Not sure what's happening here. I initially intended to write 10 chapters, so I'll see if I can wrap this story up in the next two chapters. So, what did you think of this chapter? Is it too emo?
> 
> If you wish to continue to emo feelings, please feel free to listen to the playlist I made for writing this story:
> 
> http://sharemyplaylists.com/the-golden-cage
> 
> :D
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	9. Thor

Loki no longer called out for his brother. During the past two days, the healer had noticed that Loki had stopped vocalizing his brother's name. He now remained silent; the only thing constant was the steady rise and fall of his chest. She was not sure how the fallen God was still alive; it was as though he were clinging onto something, clinging onto the last bit of life he had left inside of him. She continued to give him nourishment, which his body continued to reject. His wounds had finally begun to show signs of healing, but every now and then one of the cuts would bleed with no signs of stopping. Elsa watched as her patient grew thinner and thinner each day, as his skin paled and lost color and warmth. She knew the end was near for him and some days, she prayed that it would just come so she would no longer have to watch him suffer.

Since the Queen had returned to Asgard, she had spent almost every waking moment with her adopted son. Elsa watched as she tenderly wiped Loki's forehead with a wet cloth. She watched as she cleaned and dressed his wounds, and she watched as her eyes darted at the door over and over, waiting to see her other son arrive. Elsa too nervously glanced toward the door, expecting to see the King's large frame but he never arrived. It had been two days since the Queen had spoken to him, and Elsa knew that she was beginning to give up on her son ever showing up to see his brother. Despite this fact, Elsa was glad that she had reached out to the Queen to let her know what was happening on Asgard. At least Loki would be given the comfort of having his mother, the only mother he ever knew, next to him during his last days.

"How much longer do you think he has, Elsa?" Frigga asked.

Elsa shook her head wearily. "A few days, perhaps, my lady," she said.

The Queen nodded sadly and took her son's hand. "He was simply…misunderstood, my little Loki," she said.

"I think he's waiting, my lady," Elsa said.

"Waiting for what?" Frigga asked.

"For his brother. I've seen some patients…wait to…pass on to the next realm. They wait loved ones to come to their bedside and then once they see them or hear their voice, they allow themselves to go," Elsa explained.

The Queen absorbed this information and then nodded. "Perhaps, my dear. Loki would wait for his brother. He has always waited for him, always two steps behind him, dogging his footsteps."

"Loki may wish to wait for him, but I do not think he has enough strength left to wait for much longer," Elsa said sadly.

"I know. Will you leave us? I will read to him now," Frigga said.

Elsa nodded and bowed. "Please call me if you notice any changes, good or bad," she said.

The Queen nodded and then she brought Loki's hand up to her mouth. She kissed Loki's knuckles and then set his hand down on the bed once more.

Elsa smiled weakly at the Queen and then exited the infirmary. As she made her way down the halls, she found herself becoming more upset about the entire situation. She understood fully that Loki deserved to be punished for his crimes, however he did not deserve to suffer this way; what the King was doing was not noble or brave, it was cowardly and cruel. She stopped in her tracks and looked back towards the infirmary. She knew that as a healer, she owed it to her patient to serve him the best she could and if that meant confronting the king of Asgard once more, she would do it.

* * *

 When Thor saw Elsa enter the great hall, his heart leapt into his throat. Was she coming to him with bad news? He quickly gestured to his page who was immediately at his side.

"Find out what is going on, my brother's healer is here," he said.

Jalfi nodded and made his way toward Elsa.

Thor observed them as they talked. Elsa appeared to be flushed in the cheeks and she looked nervous. Thor watched with a slightly amused expression as Elsa stopped talking to Jalfi and walked straight past him. She walked past all of the petitioners waiting to seek audience with the King and eyed the old man who was next.

"My King, I have come to seek an audience with you," she said.

"Healer, can you not see that there are others waiting to speak to me? Are you blind?" he asked.

"No, I am not blind. I need to talk to you, my lord," she said.

"Is my brother alive?" he asked.

"Yes, but—"

"Well then. Come back when there is news," he said dismissively.

"My lord, this is important," Elsa pleaded.

"Can't you see I'm busy?" Thor asked.

"Yes I understand—"

"You do understand I have a kingdom to rule, that I don't have time to waste on the whims of some healer," Thor said with a sneer.

Elsa's mouth dropped open and she quickly closed it. "When did you turn into this?" she asked quietly.

Thor lifted an eyebrow. "What did you say to me?"

"You heard me, when did you turn into someone so bitter and angry?" she asked.

"You are bold to ask me such a question, healer," he said in a dangerously low tone.

"Someone has to ask the important questions. If I don't speak up, what will that say about me?"

"It will say that you are smart, and that you know not to cross me."

"But this is an open court. I have the freedom to speak my mind," she said.

"Why do you care so much about him?" Thor asked.

The entire room had grown quiet. Thor and Elsa continued to stare at each other.

"I believe that there is good in him. I believe that there is good in you." Elsa stopped talking and looked directly into Thor's eyes. "He's stopped calling out for you. I think it's almost over for him. I think he's waiting for you," she said.

"Waiting for what?" Thor asked.

"Waiting to die," she said.

Thor regarded Elsa for a moment and then he sighed. "Come with me," he said while getting up from his chair.

"My lord?" she asked.

Thor said something to his page and then continued down to his chambers. "With me, Elsa," he said.

Elsa followed him. 

* * *

 Thor poured himself a mug of ale and sat down at the table in the solar. Elsa sat across from him and nervously ran her finger around the rim of a glass.

"You don't give up, do you?" Thor asked.

Elsa smiled ruefully and then took a sip of her wine. "I can't give up, I'm not allowed to," she said.

"You know, I could have you stripped of your healer's robe. I could throw you into the dungeon and no one would even know you were gone," Thor said.

"I know you can. But I know you won't. You're not that kind of person," Elsa said.

"But Loki is. Don't you see, Elsa? I'm just giving him what he wants. He wants death."

"I don't think so. I thought the Queen would move you to come see him."

"So it was you who summoned her."

"He needed someone to be at his side. She washes his wounds, sponges his skin, she even reads to him. He's not going to last much longer now," Elsa said sadly.

"So why should I even bother to see him?"

"Doesn't it hurt you? Don't you…want to at least see him while he still breathes? Do you really want to see him cold and…without life? It's not nice when your last image of someone is of them dead," she said quietly.

Thor pondered Elsa's words quietly and then he answered. "I do want to see him. I just…don't know if I can bear to see him in that condition," he said finally.

"My lord, I am not asking you to move mountains. I'm not asking you to do something evil or wrong. I'm asking you to open your mind and your heart. Perhaps you cannot forgive him fully for what he has done, but just because someone does something bad, does that mean we completely let them go? Shouldn't we give them another chance? Shouldn't we forgive?"

"Do you think he would forgive me for what I have done?" Thor asked sadly.

"I don't know what you did. I don't know what you're beating yourself up about, but I'm sure Loki would forgive you."

"But he doesn't. That's why he did everything that he did. Because of me. And he'll never forgive me," Thor said bitterly.

"Well you won't know unless you see him, right?" Elsa asked. "Give him a chance, my lord. Everyone deserves a second chance."

Thor sipped his ale in silence.

* * *

 When Thor entered the infirmary, he saw that his mother had fallen asleep in her chair. He heard the door close behind him and he turned around. Elsa was standing on the other side of the glass with a sad smile on her face. She waved at him and then gestured to Loki, who was on the bed. Thor turned to his brother and a soft gasp escaped his lips when he saw him. Loki's skin was pale and sickly looking. He had lost weight and his bones were poking out on his face giving him a ghastly appearance. Thor saw that his arms were still bandaged and one of the bandages was stained with blood as it seeped out of a wound that refused to heal. Thor slowly walked over to Loki's bedside and observed his brother. Thor gently brushed some hair out of Loki's eyes and shuddered when he felt how cold and clammy Loki's skin was. Thor suddenly felt very weak and he quickly sat down on the chair next to Loki's bed. He bent his head and felt tears burn at his eyes.

With great effort, he took Loki's hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Brother, why are you so foolish?" he asked quietly. Thor knew there would be no answer from his brother and this made his heart ache even more. He finally allowed himself to cry and his body shook with the force of his sobs.

"Thor?"

Thor looked up and saw his mother staring at him. She quickly rose up from her chair and went over to her son. She wrapped her arms around his large shoulders and held him as he cried. "I am so sorry, Loki, so sorry," Thor said through his tears.

Frigga rubbed her son's back gently. "Breathe, my son," she said.

Thor held onto his brother's hand tightly and did not let go. "I will take him with me, mother," he said.

"Where?" she asked.

"To my chambers. I will have him moved. I want to take care of him for his last days. I can do this much for him since I have done nothing but wrong for him all his life," Thor said.

"Thor, you are not a bad person. Don't punish yourself for the mistakes of your youth," Frigga said.

"And what of my mistakes now?" he asked as he turned to face his mother.

"You are here now and that is all that matters," she said.

Thor turned back to his brother and squeezed his hand again. "I won't let you die here, brother. I won't let you die alone," he said.

Thor thought for a moment he saw the shadow of a smile upon Loki's lips, but he knew it was just a trick of the light.

"I am here for you, my brother," he whispered.

The words hung in the air like a ghost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter took me forever and a day to write. I just couldn't get it down no matter how many times I tried! Anyway, this was what I finally came up with. I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think :)


	10. Thor

Thor observed Elsa as she carefully cleaned the wounds on Loki's arm. She dipped a cloth into a small basin of warm water. After she squeezed the excess liquid from the cloth, she tenderly wiped away the blood and the crusts that had formed around Loki's wounds.

"You're very good at that," Thor said eventually.

Elsa looked up and smiled. "I have to be. I hope you're paying attention because this will be your job until…"

Thor looked away quickly and busied himself with sifting through the medical supplies. "Don't you think he's looking better?" Thor asked. He brushed a strand of hair out of Loki's face and tucked it behind his ear. When he looked up, Elsa was staring at him with a sad expression on her face.

"A little," she said quietly. She quickly put on a small smile and went back to her work. "You want to make sure you clean it properly and then when you're done you apply the salve-"

"What's the point?" Thor asked suddenly.

Elsa looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"If he…if he's not healing, then why should we keep applying medicine to his wounds?" Thor asked.

"Because I'm sure it brings him some comfort. Most of the cuts have healed; it's just these big ones that…aren't. I don't understand, I thought you said he looked better—"

"That is what I thought. But your face indicated otherwise," Thor said harshly.

Elsa regarded him for a few moments and then she went back to applying the salve to the wounds. "As I was saying, you want to make sure you put this on the wounds before you wrap them—"

"This is pointless! Loki will not wake. He will not wake," Thor said angrily. He got up from his chair and stormed out of the room.

Elsa rose up and followed Thor out of his chamber. Another healer stood in the hall with an awkward expression on his face. "Which way did he go?" Elsa asked.

"Towards the solar," the healer replied.

"Can you please finish up inside? I already did his right arm. Bandage it and get started on the left. And stay with him until I return," Elsa instructed.

The healer nodded and started toward the chamber when he stopped. "Elsa, he looks…really upset. Perhaps you should leave him," he said.

"I appreciate your concern, Adam, but I can handle my own affairs," Elsa said. She motioned toward the chamber and set off toward the solar.

When she entered, Thor stood at the window staring out at the sea. She stared at him for a few moments before she spoke.

"You wanted to know why I care so much," she said.

Thor had his arms crossed over his chest and he did not move or turn his head. "It is because you're a woman…" Thor said dismissively.

"No. It is not. You care, even though you try to hide it. I know you care, my lord," she said.

Thor turned angrily on her. "So what? He will die. He will die and he will leave me here to…regret…to hate myself," he said.

Elsa chewed on her lip and then she looked up at her king. "My lord, will you come with me?" she asked.

Thor frowned. "I am in no mood for games, Elsa," he said sternly.

"This is not a game, nor has it ever been one," she said simply. "Come with me, there is something I'd like to show you," she said.

Thor regarded her warily and then he sighed. "Fine."

* * *

Thor and Elsa were standing in front of a modest home by Asgardian standards.

"What is this?" Thor asked.

"This is my home," Elsa said.

Thor regarded her and then smirked. "You have quite a large place for such a young healer," he said.

"It was a gift. Will you come inside?" she asked.

Thor nodded at his two guards and followed Elsa to the door. The two guards took their positions outside the door as Elsa and Thor entered the home. When Elsa stepped inside, a young boy ran up to her and wrapped his little arms around her legs.

"Mama!" he shouted.

Thor could not help but smile at the little boy. He had short, sandy colored hair and chubby cheeks. His little mouth was set in a little pout even when he smiled up at his mother. Thor cleared his throat.

"Love, this is the King, King Thor," Elsa said.

The little boy looked up in wonder at the large man before him. His eyes widened and then he buried his face in his mother's legs.

"That is no way to behave. Greet him properly," Elsa said sternly.

The little boy pulled himself away from his mother and he looked up at Thor once more. He bowed his head quickly and then returned to his mother's side.

"You must forgive him, he is young," she said. "Go on and play," she said to the boy.

He ran off into the other room. An older woman with a kindly face came out into the living room and she bowed when she saw Thor. "Well it's not everyday I step out into the main chamber and meet the King," the older woman said.

Elsa smiled at the woman and beckoned to her. "My lord, this is my mother, Anna, she takes care of Nörr while I am at the castle."

"I did not know you were wed," Thor said.

"My lord, would you like some wine, something hot to drink, perhaps?" Anna asked.

"Wine will suffice," Thor said.

Anna kissed her daughter on the cheek and walked out of the chamber.

"I am not wed, my lord," she said.

Thor walked over to one of the seats in the room and sat down. "Please stop calling me my lord. I am tired of the formalities," he said tiredly.

Anna returned with two glasses of wine and placed them on the table. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything," she said.

"So, Elsa, you are not wed. Why have you brought me here? Do you need coin to maintain this lovely home?" he asked.

"No my—I mean, Thor. It sounds so strange to say it," she said.

Thor shrugged and drank his wine.

"I brought you here to meet Nörr, actually," she said.

Thor regarded her suspiciously and placed his glass back on the table. "Why?"

Elsa chewed on her lip.

"Elsa, did we...is he mine?" Thor asked softly.

Elsa made a face. "Do you really not remember all the women you lie with? How many of them have there been?" she asked.

Thor rolled his eyes. "I'm the King, I was a Prince. I've slept with countless women. It's impossible for me to remember them all. Is he mine, Elsa? Tell me the truth," Thor said.

Elsa shook her head. "No…he is not," she said. Elsa licked her lips and took a large gulp of wine. She waited for it to settle in the pit of her stomach and then she took a deep breath. "He is Loki's," she said.

Thor looked up at Elsa. "What?" he asked.

"He is Loki's son," Elsa said again.

Thor picked up his glass and swallowed all of the wine in one go. He then reached forward and grabbed Elsa's glass and chugged it down as well.

"I don't understand," he said.

"When two people lie together—"

"I know how fucking babies are made, Elsa. Don't get smart with me," Thor snapped. "How in the world is he Loki's son? And why does no one know of his existence till now?"

"Loki and I…met at the library."

"Naturally," Thor said.

"It was when I was studying to become a healer. I was still an apprentice. We spent several weeks together, mostly talking and…doing other things. It was strange for me. A prince, one of the princes, and here he was in my bed with me as though…it were the simplest of things. I knew for him I was only a blip in a long stream of women and whatever else he liked. I had no high hopes for anything except, when it was all over I found myself pregnant. Loki had no interest in being a father but he would not allow me to raise him on my own. He bought me the house and he gave me enough coin to take care of Nörr until he is old enough to make his own way in the world," Elsa said.

Thor sat quietly absorbing all of the information Elsa had just unloaded on him.

"So you're telling me that the little…he's my nephew? He is an heir to the throne of Asgard and you have him here in this house with your mother? He should be in the castle. He should be training and going to lessons with the masters. He should not be here. Why is he here?" Thor asked.

"I have seen what power does. It twists you until you are no longer the person you were. I've seen people become ugly reflections of themselves. I will not have that happen to Nörr."

"That is not for you to decide."

"But it is. When he was born, Loki visited me in the infirmary. He looked at him for a moment and then he handed me a bag filled with coin. He stayed long enough to name his son and then he left," Elsa said. "He had no interest in being a father, and I don't hold it against him. He was young and so was I; and foolish. I can't be mad at him because he's given me one of the best things I've ever had. My son is my world, Thor. I love him."

"It makes sense now," Thor said.

"What does?" she asked.

"You. How adamant you were about me coming to see Loki," Thor said.

"I didn't want to bring Nörr into this but I saw that I had no choice. Having Loki moved to your chambers was the best thing you could have possibly done. I want Nörr to meet his father, I would have liked him to know him better, but…we cannot always have what we want," Elsa said sadly.

Thor opened his mouth to speak but closed it immediately. He did not know what to say.

"I know this must be a lot for you to digest," she said.

Thor stared off into space and after a long moment of silence, he spoke. "I feel like I killed him, Elsa," he said softly.

Elsa shook her head. "Loki had his own demons. Everyone in Asgard knew it. I think perhaps, you did not want to believe that he could do something so wrong," she said.

"But it was my fault. I did things to him, Elsa, when we were younger, and I can't let go of them," Thor said sadly.

Elsa reached out and took Thor's large hand in hers. She squeezed it gently and smiled at him.

"We all do things we regret and we all make mistakes. We can't allow them to hold us down, or keep us from ultimately doing the right thing," she said.

"And what is the right thing?" Thor asked.

"Taking care of your brother in his last days. Here let me give you something," she said while getting up.

Thor watched as she walked over to a large bookshelf. She scanned the contents for a few moments and then she found what she was looking for. She pulled out the hardcover book and walked back over to him.

"When Loki and I were talking, he told me that…this was one of his favorite books. It's from Migard. He gave me a copy but I never got the chance to read it," she said. She handed the book over to Thor and he hesitated a moment before accepting it.

When Thor held the book in his hands, he felt something inside of him move. His heart ached for everything that he did and for the good times he had spent with Loki. He opened the front cover of the book and saw Loki's familiar scribble on the inside. It simply said:  _Read it for Nörr one day_. "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone? What is this about?" Thor asked.

"Something about a boy with magical powers who was treated badly when he was younger," she said.

Thor smiled. "Sounds like Loki," he said.

"Loki always spoke highly of you. Even though he was angry, and I mean, you could tell that he was angry with you, but you could also tell that he loves you very much. And I'm sure he still does," Elsa said.

Thor looked at Elsa and then down at the book in his hands. He let her words wash over him and he closed the book. "Thank you, Elsa. I'm afraid I must take your leave. I'll come back to see Nörr. I would like to meet him properly," he said.

She nodded. Thor and Elsa stared at each other for a moment and then he pulled her into an embrace. She looked alarmed for a moment and then she allowed the King to hug her and she hugged him back.

When Thor left, Elsa sat on her chair staring at the two empty wine glasses on the table. She smiled sadly, hoping that perhaps Loki would finally get what he wanted.

* * *

When Thor entered his chambers, another young healer sat at Loki's side.

"You may leave," Thor said.

The healer nodded and quickly evacuated the room.

Thor sighed and took the large seat next to Loki's bed. He observed Loki's face carefully. Some color had returned to his cheeks but his face was still gaunt. Thor wondered if perhaps Loki's body would accept some food today and with great effort, he connected the tubes up to the tube that was sticking out of Loki's arm. Thor watched as the food was sucked into Loki's body. He sat and waited to see if Loki would retch the food and he eyed a basin that had been placed next to the bed just in case he did so. A few minutes later, Thor realized that Loki's body was not rejecting the nourishment and he had tears in his eyes.

"You will get well, brother. I know it. You must get well so you can raise your son in the proper way," he said as he gripped Loki's hand.

He opened the book that Elsa had given him and turned to the first page.

"The Boy Who Lived," he said. Thor smiled at his brother, squeezed his hand and began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first of all, thank you to everyone for reading! Thanks for all the lovely comments and the kudos! This story has been so emotional for me to write, weirdly enough, lol, but I really enjoy writing it. I'm glad that you all like reading it and I'm secretly proud that some people shed a tear. This chapter was also a little difficult for me to write because it marked me taking significant steps in a certain direction for this story. I'm interested in knowing how you guys felt about Elsa and the whole storyline with Norr. I didn't want it to be cheesy or corny but I felt like it made sense and I hope you guys liked it. The other day I was listening to Mumford and Sons' new album, Babel, and there's this one song called Ghosts That We Knew that really described some of this story and I almost shed a tear on the bus, I'm a cornball I know!
> 
> Anywho, check out the song, it's totally sad, and beautiful, just like everything else Marcus Mumford does. And do let me know what you thought of this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!! :)


	11. Thor

 

_Oh you're in my blood like holy wine_

_You taste so bitter and so sweet_

_Oh I could drink a case of you, darling_

__Still I'd be on my feet_ _

* * *

Loki did not keep down the nourishment for long. Thor had only read about twenty pages of the book before he heard the sounds of Loki gagging. Thor dropped the book on the floor and quickly turned Loki on his side so he would not choke to death. He grabbed the basin and placed it on the bed and slowly rubbed Loki's back. He watched as Loki vomited the food he had just ingested. Thor saw some traces of what looked like blood in the sick and he felt a lump form in his throat.

When Loki finished, Thor gently turned him back on his back and wiped his mouth with a cloth. As he lifted the bowl from the bed, he noticed how his hand trembled and he gripped it tightly as he made his way to the washing room. When he disposed of everything, he washed his hands and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked haggard. He felt the lump in his throat again and he closed his eyes. They shot open when he heard Loki coughing and he rushed out to the room to find Loki's body shaking violently as he coughed. Thor saw blood bubble at Loki's lips and he quickly brought water to Loki to aid him. After a few moments, the coughing subsided and Loki settled down. Thor did everything in his power to keep the tears in his eyes at bay. He wiped away the blood from Loki's mouth and sat next to him. Thor grasped Loki's frail hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"My brother, there is so much I wish to say to you, so much I wish for us to discuss…will you not wake now? Will you not stop with this foolish game?" he asked softly. Thor felt the tears in his eyes sting and one tear leaked out of the corner of his eye. "Do you remember that time when we snuck into the women's chambers on Àlfheimr? Those were some true beauties in there…I remember there was a dark-haired one who was fixated on you…she followed us out into the fields after the Fae had kicked us out…she kissed you, beneath the stars. What was it she had said? She had never seen eyes so green, she wanted to steal them from you and keep them with her always…" More tears leaked down Thor's face and he laughed. "Remember when we got lost in the forest! Oh Gods, we were in there for a whole week eating berries and catching rabbits, and when we finally built a fire it rained and we were cold and wet. We huddled together beneath the trees and that was the first time you were able to conjure fire from your fingertips, your fingers were so hot…you burned my arm and you didn't even realize it. I never told you," Thor said sadly. Thor reached over and brushed his brother's hair with his fingertips. "I met your son today," he said. "He is handsome and he has green eyes, just like yours. You know for a moment I thought he was mine. I've been…with so many women; I thought I would have an heir by now…even an illegitimate one. But you…you're the one, Loki. You're the one who was deemed worthy to have a son," Thor said. "That's why you have to get better, that's why you have to fight, to live, if not for me then do it for your son, he deserves to have a father in his life."

Thor studied his brother's face. "If you can hear me, Loki, give me a sign, let me know that you're in there…please brother," he whispered.

Loki did not respond to Thor's pleading. There was not so much as a twitch or a sigh.

"I don't care if you can't hear me…I owe you an apology, brother," Thor said. He held Loki's hand and squeezed it again. "I'm sorry, Lo, for…all the years that went by. I'm sorry for treating you with less dignity than you deserve, and respect. I was a fool, I still am. Wherever you are, I just want you to know that I love you and I always will. And if I could go back and do it all over again I would, and I would love you the way a brother should. I'm sorry."

* * *

Thor fell asleep at Loki's side, holding his hand. When he woke, he saw that the sky was already changing from the dark night to the deep blue of the early morning. He observed his brother and saw that there was no change. He walked over to the window and took several deep breaths of the fresh air. Thor was startled by a knock on his door.

"Enter," he said while continuing to look out the window. When he finally turned his head, he saw that it was his mother.

When Frigga saw Thor's face she immediately walked over to him and turned him to face her. "Thor, did you sleep at all?" she asked.

He nodded wearily and yawned. "I got a few hours," he mumbled.

"Why don't you go rest? I'll watch him for a while until the healers come in," she said.

Thor shook his head and shrugged his mother off. "No mother, I will stay with him, you must take care of the courts today," Thor said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

Thor yawned again and sat down on the chair next to Loki. He saw the book on the ground and he picked it up. To his dismay, some of the pages had bent when it had fallen on the ground. He smoothed it out with his hand and looked up at his mother who was staring at him expectantly. "Yes mother, I'm sure," he said.

"I have one son who is already ill. Please do not make yourself ill as well. I'll have your page bring you something to break your fast," she said.  She gave Thor a quick kiss on the cheek and squeezed his shoulder.  

Thor nodded and watched as his mother left the chamber. He turned back to the book and tried to remember what was the last thing he had read. Thor quickly became frustrated leafing through the pages and did not even notice when Loki's eyes opened. Thor looked up at his brother and when he saw Loki's green eyes staring at him, the book slipped out of his hands and hit the floor again with a loud slap. Thor pinched his arm to make sure he was not dreaming with his eyes open.

"Loki?" he asked.

Loki's eyes flitted across Thor's face and then they searched the rest of the room.

"Loki?" Thor said again.

Loki's eyes darted toward Thor again, but this time they were filled with an unmistakable fear.

Thor reached forward to touch Loki's hand, and Loki's body shook in terror. With what strength he had, he turned his head away from his brother who was looking at him, confused.

"Loki it's me, it's your brother," Thor said gently.

Loki opened his mouth but was unable to speak.

Thor, whose eyes were brimming with tears once more had finally reached out and touched Loki's arm.

Loki recoiled as though Thor had burned him and he quickly removed his hand from Loki's pale skin, which was now burning up. Thor felt his heart leap in his throat. He quickly rose up from his seat when suddenly Loki's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. The grip was weak and felt like nothing more but a feather brushing across Thor's skin but he felt it all the same. He felt his breath hitch in his throat and he slowly looked over at Loki.

Loki's eyes were brimming with tears making them shine even more than normal. Thor watched as the big fat tear drops rolled down Loki's cheeks and how they touched his badly chapped lips. Loki opened his mouth again but still could not speak.

Thor sat back down.

"Brother, can you hear me?" he asked.

He detected the faintest nod from Loki. Loki finally let go of Thor's hand and allowed his own hand to drop back lifelessly to his side.

Thor reached over and felt the back of Loki's forehead with the back of his hand. "Brother there is a fire in you. I must get the healer here now," he said.

More tears rolled down Loki's cheeks and he shook his head. He mouthed the word 'No' to Thor.

"I know, Loki, I know, but I must fetch her, or have someone do it, I do not want to leave you but you must trust me," Thor pleaded.

Loki reached out again and Thor grasped his hand. "Loki, I will never leave you," Thor said.

Thor looked up at a server who had just entered his chamber with a tray of food.

"Boy, quickly call the healer, Elsa! And my mother. NOW!" Thor thundered.

The boy almost dropped the tray of food nodded and ran back out of the room with the silver tray in his arms.

"Do you need water?" Thor asked.

Loki gave another barely noticeable nod and his eyelids began to droop.

"Brother stay with me, do not fall back into the darkness," Thor said. He went over to the table where there was a jug of water and a cup. He poured some water in the cup and went over to Loki's side once more. When he realized that Loki could not drink without assistance, he climbed onto the bed next to him and curled his arm around Loki's feeble shoulders. He cradled Loki's body and angled his head and poured the water into his mouth.

Loki drank the water greedily and then when it became too much, he began to cough. Some of the water came sputtering out of his mouth and Thor rubbed Loki's back.

Thor cradled Loki's body in his arms, alarmed at how hot his skin was. When Thor looked down at Loki's pale face, he saw that Loki's eyes were closing once more.

"Loki, no!" he said. He shook Loki lightly and his eyes opened once more.

A small smile played upon Loki's chapped lips.

"Thor…" he croaked out.

Thor held his brother and smiled at him. "I am here, brother, I am here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO. Where do I even begin? Thank you for all the lovely comments and the kudos. They really do make my day and make writing this story worthwhile. I enjoy writing this fic even though it's super sad and I just want to cry and have so many feelings. I figured it was time that Loki wake up from his magical coma, so let's see where things go from here, shall we? Let me know what you though of this chapter, and thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it!!!


	12. Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, yo, yo. So, firstly I am so sorry this chapter too so long to be uploaded. I had a busy couple of weeks and also I had the worst writer's block in the history of the world. So, here is the long awaited chapter and I apologize again for the wait.

For Loki, his re-admittance into the real world meant only one thing: pain. The pain began in his skull. It was a deep-seated ache that throbbed and pulsated with every passing second. With each shaky, intake of breath, his lungs burned and his chest rattled. His stomach churned, even though it was empty and his lips were chapped and no amount of wax or honey seemed to heal them. His arms, well, they were covered in ugly things, ugly scars. They served as reminders of it all. He remembered the delicious pain of slicing his arms until they were covered in red ribbons. He recalled each horrible moment he had been forced to relive over and over again while in the deep sleep.

When he woke, he was feverish. The lights in the chamber were too bright, every sound that he heard was amplified and he wanted to strangle Thor for being so damn loud. When Thor reached out and touched him, he had pulled away. The feeling of someone touching him was so strange and foreign, the sensation somehow felt wrong. He looked up at his brother, always strong and present. He saw his brother rise up from his seat and with the last bit of energy left he had in his body, he reached out and grabbed onto Thor's hand. This had stopped him completely and they finally looked into each other's eyes. Thor's blue eyes were watery and filled with concern; Loki could only imagine how he himself looked. Thor started shouting at someone who had entered the room and Loki felt himself drifting off again. Thor's voice sounded very far away and he just wanted to close his eyes and sleep and sleep and never wake up. He wanted this entire thing to be over. He heard Thor ask him if he wanted water and suddenly he was very much aware of how thirsty he was. He managed to nod and soon enough, Thor was cradling him like a baby in his large arms. Loki felt so safe and so relieved as he felt the water trickle through his lips. He drank it greedily until he could drink no more. He felt Thor rubbing his back and then he finally opened his mouth and was able to choke out one word – Thor.

Loki was now propped up on several large pillows. His mother sat next to him and spoon-fed him a very thin broth. He was surprised he was even able to keep it down, but he didn't care. The warm liquid felt like ambrosia in his mouth and going down his throat. It warmed him up from the inside and for a few moments, he was able to ignore the pain. Thor stood off to the side, looking out the window with his new favorite facial expression: grim. Then there was the healer who had been taking care of him all this time, who upon closer inspection turned out to be Elsa, the estranged mother of his child. Loki did his best to avoid the woman's stare. He had often found himself wondering what his life would have been like if he had chosen to accept the child and raise him properly. He quickly pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind as she came over to check his temperature.

"I think the fever is finally breaking," she said. Her hand felt cool against his skin and he closed his eyes. "I'm sorry about the ice bath but it was the only thing we could have done to bring you down to a normal temperature," she explained.

"It's so good to see you with your eyes open, my son," Frigga said. She looked down at the bowl of broth. "And it's good to see you eating again," she said. She got up and kissed Loki on the forehead.

Loki smiled weakly at his mother. "It is good to see you, mother," he said graciously.

"I was so worried that you would not wake," Frigga said.

"And I was worried that I would not see your sweet face again," he said with a smile.

Frigga smiled and offered another spoonful of broth out to Loki. He shook his head gently.

"I do not think I can have any more," he said.

"But you have not even had half of it," she said.

"I'll eat more later. I would like a word with the healer, if you please," he said.

"Only if you promise to eat more of this when you're done," she said sternly.

"I promise," he said. He looked up at his mother and he suddenly felt like a child again. She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you, my son," she said with a smile. She left the chamber with the bowl in her hand.

Loki craned his neck and looked over at Thor. "Brother, please allow me a moment—"

"I won't leave you, Loki," Thor said gruffly.

"Thor, please," Loki said.

Thor walked over to Loki's bed and sat in the empty chair next to it. "I told you, I'm not leaving," he said again.

Elsa placed her hand on Thor's shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

"Please, Thor, give us a moment," she said quietly.

Thor turned around and met Elsa's gaze. "Whatever you have to discuss, you can say it in front of me."

"Please, brother," Loki said wearily.

Thor reached out and took Loki's hand. "I'll be outside, brother, if you need anything."

Loki squeezed Thor's hand and smiled. "Thank you, Thor," he said.

Elsa and Loki watched as Thor left the chamber. Loki sighed loudly and closed his eyes.

Elsa sat in the empty chair next to Loki's bed and looked at Loki.

"How is he?" Loki asked without opening his eyes.

"He's fine. How are you feeling?" Elsa asked.

Loki groaned and opened his eyes. "Like my body is ripping apart. Everything hurts," he said.

"Why did you do it?" Elsa asked quietly.

"What would you have done?" Loki snapped.

"I would have dealt with my punishment for the deeds that I had committed."

"Always so prim and proper, little Elsa," Loki said.

"Do not mock me. You have this nasty habit, Loki, of running from things," Elsa said.

"Do not forget your place."

"Forget my place? I know exactly where I am, my lord. I am sitting here, next to you. I am the mother of your child, the woman who reached out to your mother when your own brother would not. I am the woman who confronted a king all for your sake so do not tell me to remember where I am."

Loki smiled. "There is the fire I remember," he said.

"You still haven't answered my question. Why, Loki?"

"You already know the reason why, Elsa. Do not pretend that you have not seen it, that you do not know it." Loki said.

"My son does not know who his father is. I thought that I was fine with this, but as time passes by and I look at him and I see you. I want you to know him," she said.

Loki digested this information. "I wish…I was a person worth knowing," he said finally.

"You're not a bad person, Loki. Sometimes, things happen and we have no control over them—"

"But don't you see! I've had so many chances to make the right choices and yet I continue to choose the path of darkness. Don't you understand? It's better this way. Its better Nörr never meets me and never knows my name. He should not know where he came from," Loki said bitterly.

"No," Elsa said.

"What?"

"I said no. I won't allow it. I won't allow you to do this," she said. She got up from her chair and sat on the bed next to Loki. She took her hands in his and brought them up to her lips. "Those weeks we spent together, I know they might have been nothing to you, but they mean something to me. I saw a man who was confused, but I also a man who was brilliant, a man who had a thousand ideas, who could talk about poetry and tell me about the stars, a man who gave me the most beautiful gift," She ran her fingers through Loki's hair and smiled softly at him. "There is good in you, I know it. I see it, every time I look at our son, I see the good there."

"You were always too good for me," Loki said softly. He reached out and took Elsa's hand. "I ran away from you. I ran away from the idea of what we could become. I ran from my son, from my duty, and for that I am sorry," he said.

"I'm sorry I didn't fight with you more, I should have made you stay with me, we could have avoided all of this," she said with a smile.

"Ah, yes, this little bit where I tried to destroy a planet," he said with a laugh.

Elsa laughed. "You still have your humor intact I see," she said.

Loki nodded and laughed. His laughter suddenly turned into a cough and his body began to shake violently.

Elsa quickly rubbed Loki's back and watched him in dismay as it provided no comfort to him. She grabbed a cup with water and watched as he covered his mouth with his hand. His eyes began to water. Thor rushed into the room, a worried expression on his face.

"What's wrong?" Thor asked.

"He just started coughing," Elsa explained.

Elsa and Thor exchanged a dark look when they saw blood on Loki's palm. Loki stopped coughing and he settled back into his pillows. His eyes widened when he noticed all of the blood on his palm.

"Water," Loki said hoarsely.

Elsa assisted him with drinking from the cup while Thor wiped the blood away with a cloth. They both watched Loki in silence as he drank his water. He looked so frail and sickly; almost like a child. Gone was the swift, silver-tongued Jötunn who had threatened to destroy Migard.

Loki looked up at Thor then at Elsa. "Will you bring him?" he said.

Elsa hesitated for a moment and then she nodded. "I will." She took the cup from Loki's hands and placed it on the table. She quickly made her way out of the chamber.

Thor took the empty seat again and sighed.

"Brother there is something I must tell you," Loki began.

"I already know. I met him," Thor said.

"Oh have you now? What do you think?" Loki asked.

Thor smiled. "He looks like you. He's quite handsome, a little chubby though," Thor said.

Loki smiled weakly at his brother. "I am glad that you met him."

"What happened to us, brother?" Thor asked sadly. "When did we forget who we were? When did we stop being brothers?" he asked.

"I saw you in my dreams. We climbed trees like we used to. You were so young and…"

"Stupid," Thor finished.

"You were only looking out for me, brother," Loki said.

"Do not try and make excuses for my behavior, Loki. I treated you badly. I've even treated you badly now. I keep thinking if I had…if I had come to the infirmary earlier…perhaps you would have awoken sooner…"

"No, Thor. Do not…blame yourself for my folly. I saw many things while I slept. I was in pain, and it hurt to see some of those terrible memories that I had locked away for so long, but I also saw some beautiful things. You know what the best thing was?" Loki asked.

"No, brother, what was it?" Thor asked.

Loki smiled at his brother. "The best thing, was being able to forgive you," he said.

"I do not deserve it," Thor said.

"Yes you do. We both deserve it. What I did to you was…wrong. What you did to be when we were children…"

"Was wrong…" Thor said quietly.

"Do you remember when you burned that book that Odin gave to me?" Loki asked.

Thor nodded. "I do. Not one of my best moments," he said.

"I don't know if you remember what you said to me afterwards. You came into my room and sat next to me and you told me that you just wanted me to learn how to fight and stand up for myself," Loki said.

"And that's what you did. Even if it took you years to do it, but you did it," Thor said with a sad smile.

"All I ever wanted to do was to please everyone…" Loki said.

"I am sorry, Loki. For everything I did to you. For all the time I spent treating you as an other, when you were flesh of my flesh."

"I am sorry too, brother. I'm sorry that I was not a better man," Loki said.

"You know I love you," Thor said.

Loki reached out and grabbed Thor's hand. "I know. I love you too, brother," he said. Loki closed his eyes and winced at the pain that was wreaking havoc throughout his body.

"Are you in much pain?" Thor asked.

"Nothing,..I can't handle…" Loki gasped out.

Thor reached out and placed his hand on Loki's forehead and noticed that his temperature had jumped up again.

"Your fever has returned," Thor said.

"I know. I felt the chills…" Loki said. Loki's teeth suddenly began to chatter. "I am so cold…I don't know why I am so cold," he said.

"Let me get Elsa," Thor said standing up.

"No," Loki said. "Do you remember when we were younger…I had those terrible nightmares…and you would climb into my bed with me and wait till I fell asleep?" Loki asked.

Thor's eyes filled with tears. "Yes, I remember," he said.

"Will you do that for me now, brother? Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" Loki asked.

Thor shook his head. "No, I should get a healer –"

"Brother…" Loki said in a hoarse voice.

Thor looked at Loki's face and he saw how much pain his brother was in. He rose up from the chair and walked over to the other side of the bed. He climbed into the bed and snuggled up next to his brother.

Loki felt as though a large weight had been lifted off his shoulders when Thor climbed into the bed next to him. He felt Thor wrap his arm around his waist and he closed his eyes, with a small smile on his lips. He began to cough again and he tasted blood in his mouth. "I am so glad brother," he said.

"So am I…I am glad that you are alive, Loki," Thor said.

"I am glad we were able to put our demons behind us, that we're able to lay here like we did when we were younger and things were simpler," he said. "Will you promise me something?" Loki asked. He felt Thor's body stiffen behind him.

"Anything, brother," Thor said in a low voice.

"My son…will you take care of him?" Loki asked.

"No, because you will do that," Thor said stubbornly.

"Why will you not accept that I am dying, brother?" Loki asked, perhaps a little too harshly than he intended to.

"Because you are not…I refuse to…"

"I need you to promise me, Thor, that you'll look after him. You'll see to it that he grows into a strong man, brother. That he knows how to…how to make the right choices…" Loki said with his voice trailing off.

"I promise brother, but you must hold on, Elsa will be here at any moment. Let me go get the healer—"

"No…Thor…please…stay with me…don't leave me," Loki said in a strained voice. "I was…not strong enough to be a father…I think that job is for you, Thor," Loki said.

Thor held his brother closer and buried his head in his neck. "Please do not let go, brother," he pleaded.

"Everything…is a circle…there is life…and there is…I need you to promise me, Thor…" Loki said again, his voice growing fainter.

"I promise, Loki, I will look after him. I will do for him everything that I should have done for you…" Thor said, tears now spilling down his face.

"Good…now I can…" Loki's voice trailed off.

"Lo?" Thor asked in a small voice.

Loki did not respond. Thor sat up and looked at Loki's face. There was a small smile on his lips and his chest was still moving up and down but each breath seemed to be a struggle. Thor placed his had over Loki's chest and felt his heart beating. Some of the tears in Thor's eyes fell down onto Loki's face.

"Loki…don't do this to me…" Thor said. Thor looked over to the doorway and saw Elsa standing there with Nörr.

When she saw his face, she immediately knew what was happening and she closed her eyes. She gripped onto her son's hand tightly and walked with him into the chamber. Her eyes were already filled with tears and she bent down and lifted her son into her arms. The tears fell down her cheeks as she looked at Loki's body.

"Nörr I'd like you to meet someone," she said. "He is a very special person."

Nörr looked at Loki warily.

"He is your papa," Thor said.

"Why you cry, mama?" Nörr asked.

Elsa sobbed harder and held onto Nörr. "Because your papa will not be here with us for much longer," she said.

"Take him from here," Thor said.

Elsa nodded and put him down on the ground. "Do you want to touch your papa's hand before we leave?" she asked.

The little boy nodded. Elsa guided his hand to Loki's and she watched as Nörr held his father's hand for the first and last time. "Get better papa so we can play!" Nörr said.

Thor and Elsa exchanged a look and more tears rolled down Thor's face.

"Come, Nörr, we should leave now," Elsa said. She took Nörr's hand and guided him out of the chamber. She threw one last glance at Thor and Loki and then walked away as quickly as she could.

Thor cradled his brother's weak body in his arms wishing that somehow he could breathe some strength into his limbs.

"I am so sorry, brother," he said.

Thor continued to hold onto Loki's body long after his heart had stopped beating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I'm sure you all have the torches and pitchforks out and would like to kill me but HEAR ME OUT. This was the most difficult thing to write but I honestly don't think I could have done anything else. I HAD TO AND I'M SORRY. I think that was the biggest reason for my writer's block..because this huge thing was looming on the horizon and I did not want to physically write it. 
> 
> There will be another chapter, just to tie things up and for Thor to have some more feelings, because we just can't get enough of Thor having feelings. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, for all the kudos, the comments and the kind words. Let me know what you thought of this chapter!!


	13. Thor

Thor, King of Asgard, sat alone in his solar. Before him lay a beautiful leather bound journal, a gift from his mother, and next to it, a large, golden goblet, filled to the brim with red wine. His eyes glanced toward the large window that was filled with golden light from the setting sun. With a resigned sigh, he dropped his pen on the book, picked up his goblet, and rose up from his seat. He walked over to the window and stared out at the Asgardian Sea. The waves crashed and rolled on the shore and the sun cast an orange glow on the choppy waters. He took a sip of wine and savored the bitter taste of it on his tongue. He rolled the liquid around his mouth for a moment before swallowing it down. He turned around and stared at the book on the table and he suddenly felt as though there was an apple lodged in his throat. He blinked back several tears and continued to drink from the goblet until it was empty. He walked back to the table and his eyes blurred with tears as he looked down at the blank pages.

Every day, for the past 15 years, he had taken a moment to stop, to slow down, and to write something to his brother, wherever he was. Sometimes it would be early in the morning while the sun rose. Other days he would drunkenly scribble some things in the book before he passed out in his bed. In the beginning he was angry; angry at himself, at Loki. The letters were harsh and bitter, often asking Loki how he could leave him to rule the kingdom alone, how he could succumb so quickly to the clutches of death. He wanted to know why Loki didn't fight harder to survive, why he didn't fight harder to live and be a father to his son. As the years wore on, Thor mellowed, as did his letters to Loki. Watching Nörr grow, he was able to finally let go of some of the bitterness and the anger that had piled up in his heart.

Over the years, he would look closely at Nörr and see Loki dancing in his impish grin. Loki was hidden within the crinkles that formed at the corner of his nephew's eyes when he laughed. He would see Loki's shadow when Nörr tried to conjure up flames with his fingertips or when he turned Thor's wine into ale with a whisper and a flick of his wrist. On those days, Thor would breathe easy and he would know that Loki was still alive,  _somewhere_ ; buried within Nörr, built into his very flesh and bones. Loki was there, smiling at him, laughing, perhaps.

With a heavy heart, Thor lifted the pen once more and pressed it against the empty page.

_Brother, it has been so long, fifteen years, to be exact, since I have last seen you. I miss you more every day, yet every day the ache within my heart dulls like the edge of an old blade. It is still sharp, sharp enough to cut bread but perhaps not sharp enough to draw blood. Your son grows fiercer each day. Each day I see more of you in him, in the way he laughs, in the way he reads, in the way he climbs trees, cautious, but eager. I have done the best I can to raise him, alongside his mother, to be a strong and independent young man. This year, he turns eighteen. I wish you were here to partake in the hunts and the feasts that we are planning for him. I wish you were here to see his skill in magic. It grows each day, stronger and stronger. I have taught him how to wield a sword, how to catch a fish with his bare hands and how to track through the woods. I have raised him as though he were my own son. He did not lack in anything growing up. I have kept my promise to you, brother._

Thor was startled by a knock on his door. "Come in," he said. The door creaked open and Thor turned around to see who it was. It was Nörr. Thor rose from his seat and grinned at his nephew. "Nörr," he said, beaming.

Nörr grinned at Thor. "Father," he said. He walked over to Thor and embraced him.

Thor broke the embrace and studied his nephew's face. "You've been missing for quite a few days," he said.

Nörr's face reddened.

Thor frowned. "And where did you get this latest assortment of cuts and bruises, do tell," he said.

Nörr smiled sheepishly. "Orn and I got lost in the Dark Forest," he said.

Thor shook his head. "You should get yourself to the healers before your mother sees you, you know how she gets," Thor warned.

Nörr nodded. "I know, I was heading there but I wanted to come see you first, to make sure you are well," he said with a smile.

"I am well, my son, sit, would you like some wine?" Thor asked.

Nörr shook his head and sat in one of Thor's large chairs. His eyes glanced at the leather bound book and then he looked at his father. "Father I've been meaning to ask you," he began.

Thor sat down. "Yes?"

"The book. I know, mother said you write…letters to Loki…my real father," he said.

Thor nodded.

"I just…I wanted to know if I'd ever get to read them some day," he said finally.

Thor observed Nörr for a few moments and then he sighed. He looked at the book and then he ran his fingers across the page. He got up and walked over to a shelf and pulled out an old book. He walked back over to Nörr and handed it to him. "This was the first one," he said softly.

Nörr ran his hands along the cover in awe. "Are you sure you want to give this to me now, father?" Nörr asked.

Thor shrugged. "You are almost eighteen, a man grown; I cannot stop you from learning more about your father. Those letters…some of them were very…angry. Do not judge me too harshly. I was young," Thor said looking away.

Nörr placed the book on the table and reached over to his father. He took Thor's hands in his own and looked down at them. "I could never do that, father," Nörr said. "You have taught me so much. You have raised me to be an honorable man and for that, I owe you my eternal gratitude. I am not of your blood, yet you treat me as though I am," Nörr said.

"What is this nonsense you speak?" Thor asked angrily. "Of course you are my blood; you are my brother's son. You are  _my_  son," Thor said gruffly.

Nörr smiled at him and let go of Thor's hands.

"And I could not have asked for a better father," he said.

The two of them sat quietly for a few moments.

"You know, you look so much like him," Thor said quietly.

Nörr smiled. "My mother says so all the time," he said with a smile.

Thor observed Nörr for a moment. "Do you ever wish things were different?" he asked finally.

"You mean if I…ever wish if he was alive?" he asked quietly.

Thor nodded and looked down at his hands.

"When I was younger, it didn't matter. I had you. I would look up and I would see you and…I felt comforted…I still do. I remember clinging to your legs while you were in council meetings…and you would just look down at me and smile…but now I'm older and I just…sometimes I wish I could meet him, just once," he said.

Thor nodded and looked at Nörr sadly. "Perhaps…you blame me for not having him around?" he asked warily.

Nörr looked up at his uncle and shook his head. "Of course not, I cannot blame you for something like that—"

"But you don't  _know_  everything. You don't know—"

"I don't need to know," Nörr said.

"Perhaps when you read the first journal you will have a different opinion of me," Thor said bitterly. He rose up from his seat and walked over to the window.

Nörr observed his uncle and smiled. He got up from his seat and walked over to him.

Thor turned around.

Nörr smiled and handed him the journal. "How about you tell me the story then," he said.

Thor accepted the book and looked down at the cover.

"I promise I won't judge -  _either of you_ ," he said with a smile.

Thor smiled and walked back over to the bookshelf. He inserted the book back into the empty space and he ran his fingers along the spines.

"After the memorial ceremony then, we will sit, we will eat, and I will tell you some stories," he said quietly. He turned around and smiled at Nörr.

"Alright father," he said.

"Now go to the healing chambers before your mother sees you," he scolded.

Nörr grinned. "Will do," he said.

Thor watched as Nörr scuttled out of the room. He walked back to his table and sat down once more. He picked up his pen and began to write once more.

_Brother, tonight I will finally begin to tell our tale to Nörr. For years, I have been telling him only little things, but I believe that he is old enough now to know everything, all of the things that I have been hesitant to tell him because I feared that he would turn from me. There is always a risk, but I am willing to chance it now. It is not fair that he gets to know me all his life and not you, so I will do my best to convey to him the truth, about everything, about the way I treated you, about the things you did, and about the good times we had despite it all. Wherever you are, brother, I hope that you have forgiven me; I hope that you have found peace, and I hope that one-day, I will see you again._

_Fifteen years of a punishment is long enough, don't you think?_

_Love always,_

_Thor._

With a weary sigh, Thor rose from his seat and walked over to the door. When he opened it, his serving girl was standing before it, awkwardly. She was a strange little thing, with catlike, grey eyes and a quiet smile.

"My lord," she said bowing.

"Rún, will you put my book away please, after the ink has dried," Thor instructed.

She bowed again.

"Of course," she said.

"I will be in my chamber getting ready for the memorial ceremony," he said.

She nodded and stepped back to allow him to pass.

Thor smiled at her. "When you are done, you may spend the rest of the evening as you wish, just don't get into any trouble," he warned.

Rún grinned. "I'll do my best, my lord," she said.

Thor began to walk away toward his chambers.

"Oh, my lord, I forgot to thank you for the books," Rún said with a grin.

Thor shook his head. "The way you lap those books up, you remind me of someone," he said with a smile.

She blushed and bowed again. "Good night, my lord," she said.

Thor nodded and continued on his way.

Rún entered the room and closed the large door behind her. She waited for a few moments and then locked it for good measure. She walked over to the table and sat down in the large chair. She eagerly glued her eyes to the page and read the latest letter that Thor had written to Loki.

When she was finished, she blew on the ink gently and allowed it to dry. Rún knew she was the only person in the kingdom that Thor trusted with his journals. He did not care if she read them; he only asked that she kept silent about what she saw. Rún could not explain why she had been drawn to the books. The large, leather tomes brought her comfort. She always came in to dust them off and she would often pull them down and read the letters until her eyes grew weary.

She finished Thor's latest letter and she sat back in the chair.  _Fifteen years_ , she mused. Rún closed the book and walked over to the bookshelf. She slipped it into its spot and she ran her fingers along the spine of the books.

Rún had never told anyone, but in the past week, whenever she slept, she often dreamt of a tree. It was a large tree, almost in the middle of nowhere, and she would climb, and climb for what felt like hours. When she finally got to the top, she would find a young man, handsome, blond, with piercing blue eyes. He would extend to her a wine skin and he would grin, a familiar grin, a grin she had come to know very well.

"Lo! What took you so long?" he would ask.

And she would accept the skin, and laugh. "You know I like to make a grand entrance, brother," she would say in a voice that did not sound like her own. Then she would sit on a branch with this young man who looked so much like her king, and drink wine until the sun bled into the west.

Rún woke every morning, wondering what her dreams meant. She ran her fingers along the spines of the books and stopped on a thin book that had been wedged in between two of the older ones. She frowned. How come she hadn't seen this one before? She opened the book gingerly and saw that it was filled with little odds and ends, bits of poetry and little sketches here and there. She flipped through to the last page and when she saw the tree she gasped and the book slipped from her fingers. She kneelt down and stared at the sketch. The tree looked just like the one she had seen in her dreams. She flipped back to the front of the book and saw the name that had been scrawled in an elegant script on the inside cover… _Loki Odinson_. She ran her fingers across the letters and suddenly her eyes filled with tears. The tears fell down her cheeks and onto the old pages and she felt as though someone had wrapped something around her chest and she couldn't breathe. The book fell to the ground and she rose up quickly. Her head was spinning. She ran over to the nearest mirror and stared at her face.  _Loki Odinson…_ the name echoed eerily in her head. She wiped the tears from her face and she suddenly knew  _exactly_  who she was. Memories flooded her mind and she closed her eyes. She opened them and looked down at her arms, they were still the same. "No scars…" she whispered.

She turned her head slowly towards the bookshelf and stared at the book on the floor, her heart hammering in her chest. She walked back over to the book and picked it up once more. She smiled to herself and slipped the book back onto the shelf where she had found it.

She looked around the room with new eyes, and then towards the door. A smile bloomed across her face.

"Thor," she whispered. Her eyes filled with tears once more and she wiped them away.  _Fifteen years was long enough indeed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it! I am super duper interested to hear how you all feel about the ending, even though it has been like 3 months since I last updated, har har. 
> 
> That being said, I would like to say thank you soooo much for reading, for leaving kudos and comments and subscribing. This was the first Avengers fanfic I've ever written and I appreciate everyone dealing with the so so writing. I hadn't really written anything in a long time and I started off on a shaky foot but I think it got better towards the end. 
> 
> Sorry it took so long to post this. I've been wrapped up in my other stories and I also have anxiety about ending things, lmao. 
> 
> Do let me know how you felt about the little twisty thing I did at the end. I literally decided to write it in this morning because reasons!
> 
> Anyway, thanks again for reading! xoxo


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